Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Cam Cameron and His Penis Just Helped Themselves To An Extra Healthy Portion of Cock Soup on Sunday

 

We here at FN don’t suffer fools lightly so it pains me greatly to - not only reference the comment of a rookie-head coach-fool that is constantly confused for someone else named Harbaugh – but to hyperlink to the other fool that provided me with this nugget of animosity.   The latter alone makes me shiver with disgust. 

Apparently John Harbaugh has a deathwish out for his career and his team by making the comment below in reference to his Offensive Coordinator Cam Cameron during a conference call with the media on Wednesday.  Let’s get it over with:

"Cam's going to be a great match as a football coach for every situation," Harbaugh said during a conference call with the Miami media Wednesday. "He can coach. Everywhere he's been, he's been a very effective coach. He was an effective coach in Miami last year, even though the results weren't what people were hoping for. He did a great job there, with what he had to work with."

 Wha-wha-whaaaaat?!?!?!?!

Cam Cameron and His Penis Would Like to Wish FN a Happy Crappiversary

Hi there Fins Nation.

Come on, tell them.

Ahem. Hi there Fins Nation. I just wanted to...

Come on! Tell them!

I'm trying to.

Well, get on with it, twat-face!

Cam Cameron and His Penis Would Like to Wish FN a Happy Crappiversary

Hi there Fins Nation.

Come on, tell them.

Ahem. Hi there Fins Nation. I just wanted to...

Come on! Tell them!

I'm trying to.

Well, get on with it, twat-face!

A Common Anger: The Continuing E-mail Adventures of The Dude & DRK

The following is an actual e-mail exchange between me (The Dude) and FinsNation star commenter Dat Ro Ro Kid (DRK) yesterday afternoon:
-

DRK: I read this and it makes me very, very angry.

DUDE: Yea, I saw that. It's so awesome being a Dolphins fan.

DRK: I think you could seriously put the monkeys from 'Project X' to run the front office with buttons on a giant console representing certain drafts picks and free agents and we'd be way better off than we are right now.

DUDE: The Josh McCown era starts soon!

DRK: (throws up in pants)
-

...And scene.

I'll just end this by once gain reiterating that we all hope Cam Cameron and Randy Mueller both have themselves a rectal accident. Like falling ass-first onto a hammer or a cactus, respectively.

A Common Anger: The Continuing E-mail Adventures of The Dude & DRK

The following is an actual e-mail exchange between me (The Dude) and FinsNation star commenter Dat Ro Ro Kid (DRK) yesterday afternoon:
-

DRK: I read this and it makes me very, very angry.

DUDE: Yea, I saw that. It's so awesome being a Dolphins fan.

DRK: I think you could seriously put the monkeys from 'Project X' to run the front office with buttons on a giant console representing certain drafts picks and free agents and we'd be way better off than we are right now.

DUDE: The Josh McCown era starts soon!

DRK: (throws up in pants)
-

...And scene.

I'll just end this by once gain reiterating that we all hope Cam Cameron and Randy Mueller both have themselves a rectal accident. Like falling ass-first onto a hammer or a cactus, respectively.

A Feeling of Nothingness

Players, ex-players and recently fired coaches are all reacting to the purge Bill Parcells has wrought upon
the Dolphins.

Perfect Season running back Jim Kiick said it was a good day in Dolphins history,

"The changes had to be made," he said. "I don't think Cam was what they were looking for. He wasn't much of a motivator or a stern coach. I think they need more discipline, and that's what Parcells is looking for."

He then added, "Hurumph! Get off my lawn you damn kids!" (See what I did there? Because Jim Kiick is old.)

Ex-offensive line guru Hudson Houck said Cam did a good job. It was just that the players on the field kinda sucked,

"I thought (Cameron) was pretty well-prepared. Our meetings were no different than some of the Super Bowl teams I've been on," he said. "The only difference was the type of players we had. The other places I've been, we just had better players."

The one coach I didn't want to see go was Hudson Houck. The guy is known for working miracles with offensive lines. And he sure as hell worked some miracles with our crap infested line. The man could do no wrong as far as I'm concerned. Except for that movie where Bruce Willis played him. God that movie sucked 101 different kinds of ass!

As for Jason Taylor,

Taylor avoided any negative sentiments during a Thursday conference call to promote his upcoming work as a playoff analyst for NBC.

"Being 1-15 you realize even before the season was over that there was going to be changes," Taylor said. "It's one of those times as a player that you don't really have control over it."

Wait. JT is going to be a playoff analyst for NBC this weekend? That's the tits! NBC just got upped a few notches in the kick-ass department in my book. FOX is sooo going to get the shit kicked out of them! I can't wait to see that boney ass dipshit Cris Collinsworth (real Chris's put an 'H' in their names, you Kansas City faggot!) talk to JT in that obnoxious patronizing tone he does with everyone else. Just so that we can see JT snap his scrawny neck with his forearm. That'll be awesome.

Anyway, I'm happy for JT. He's living the dream!

I had a dream once where a turd crapped me out.

A Feeling of Nothingness

Players, ex-players and recently fired coaches are all reacting to the purge Bill Parcells has wrought upon
the Dolphins.

Perfect Season running back Jim Kiick said it was a good day in Dolphins history,

"The changes had to be made," he said. "I don't think Cam was what they were looking for. He wasn't much of a motivator or a stern coach. I think they need more discipline, and that's what Parcells is looking for."

He then added, "Hurumph! Get off my lawn you damn kids!" (See what I did there? Because Jim Kiick is old.)

Ex-offensive line guru Hudson Houck said Cam did a good job. It was just that the players on the field kinda sucked,

"I thought (Cameron) was pretty well-prepared. Our meetings were no different than some of the Super Bowl teams I've been on," he said. "The only difference was the type of players we had. The other places I've been, we just had better players."

The one coach I didn't want to see go was Hudson Houck. The guy is known for working miracles with offensive lines. And he sure as hell worked some miracles with our crap infested line. The man could do no wrong as far as I'm concerned. Except for that movie where Bruce Willis played him. God that movie sucked 101 different kinds of ass!

As for Jason Taylor,

Taylor avoided any negative sentiments during a Thursday conference call to promote his upcoming work as a playoff analyst for NBC.

"Being 1-15 you realize even before the season was over that there was going to be changes," Taylor said. "It's one of those times as a player that you don't really have control over it."

Wait. JT is going to be a playoff analyst for NBC this weekend? That's the tits! NBC just got upped a few notches in the kick-ass department in my book. FOX is sooo going to get the shit kicked out of them! I can't wait to see that boney ass dipshit Cris Collinsworth (real Chris's put an 'H' in their names, you Kansas City faggot!) talk to JT in that obnoxious patronizing tone he does with everyone else. Just so that we can see JT snap his scrawny neck with his forearm. That'll be awesome.

Anyway, I'm happy for JT. He's living the dream!

I had a dream once where a turd crapped me out.

Cam Cameron Fired

The Cam Cameron era is over. He and his talking penis have been fired.

Bobby Knight and his friendship with Bill Parcells clearly wasn't enough to save Cam's ass from the inevitable. It's 1-15 and done. It's kinda sad, really. Like when a goldfish dies. You knew it was coming. And you sort of couldn't wait for it to happen because who has time to feed a fucking goldfish all the live long day? Who am I, Ernie?

Then you wake up, the goldfish is dead, and you sort of feel sad. Then you flush it down the toilet and move on with your life.

Oh, and it looks like Jeff Ireland is one bad mother fucker of a nerd. Because he axed pretty much the entire coaching staff except for linebackers coach George Edwards and special assistant Steve Hoffman. Two guys I didn't know existed until this very moment. Also gone -- finally! -- Mike Mularkey! That dude had more lives than a cat in a burning building. Coincidentally, he had cat shit for brains.

The firing of Cam Cameron means the Dolphins just got 5% less funny. But 10% more bad-ass. 

And I'll take it. Because if it means we're suddenly, you know, relevant in the NFL again, and if it means we get ourselves a coach and players who'll rip Tom Brady a new asshole again and again for the next 10 years, then hey, I'm all for it.

Cam Cameron Fired

The Cam Cameron era is over. He and his talking penis have been fired.

Bobby Knight and his friendship with Bill Parcells clearly wasn't enough to save Cam's ass from the inevitable. It's 1-15 and done. It's kinda sad, really. Like when a goldfish dies. You knew it was coming. And you sort of couldn't wait for it to happen because who has time to feed a fucking goldfish all the live long day? Who am I, Ernie?

Then you wake up, the goldfish is dead, and you sort of feel sad. Then you flush it down the toilet and move on with your life.

Oh, and it looks like Jeff Ireland is one bad mother fucker of a nerd. Because he axed pretty much the entire coaching staff except for linebackers coach George Edwards and special assistant Steve Hoffman. Two guys I didn't know existed until this very moment. Also gone -- finally! -- Mike Mularkey! That dude had more lives than a cat in a burning building. Coincidentally, he had cat shit for brains.

The firing of Cam Cameron means the Dolphins just got 5% less funny. But 10% more bad-ass. 

And I'll take it. Because if it means we're suddenly, you know, relevant in the NFL again, and if it means we get ourselves a coach and players who'll rip Tom Brady a new asshole again and again for the next 10 years, then hey, I'm all for it.

Much Ado About Tuna

Bill Parcells spent his day Monday addressing the Dolphins' players and discussing his plan for steering this shit back towards Winnersville, USA. He also spent some time creepily lurking around the Virginia Tech Hokies practice (in case you didn't know, they're in town for this). That was Monday.

Yesterday Parcells woke up at around the time I was just hitting the sack, headed on over to 7-11 for a Big Gulp and some Funyuns for breakfast, and hit camp at about 7:30 AM. Later on in the day, Parcells met with Cam Cameron. But not before he stopped over at the NOVA University cafeteria for a Boar's Head ham sandwich and a large Coke. He spoke with Cameron. And then nothing was decided. Which means Parcells is likely going to wait to speak with whomever he ends up hiring as the next GM before he makes a decision on Cam.

Meanwhile, Parcells and Jeff Ireland's much ballyhooed interview never happened. A flight delay only allowed them to have dinner last night, pushing back the interview until later today. Wonder who's idea it was to have dinner instead of a quick interview? Hmmm.... Parcells also interviewed Jets Director of College Scouting Joey Clinkscales yesterday.

Meanwhile, I spent the day on my couch flipping back and forth between Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs marathon and college bowl games. I also figured out a way to dip my Tostitos chips into the salsa jar and eating it while not having to get up to do it (put the jar on my chest). I also finally figured out how to use the word "ballyhooed" in a blog post. First and second New Year's goals, check! Two down, two to go.