It seems like some folks were in a bit of a tizzy yesterday when Derek Hagan appeared on the first-team roster ahead of Ted Ginn Jr. Today, however, Tony Sparano clarified it for everybody: Ted Ginn is still the starter opposite Greg Camarillo. Feel better now?
What? Still don't feel better?
Well, then how bout a picture of Chad Henne zapping a hooker with his death ray?
You're welcome.
-The DUDE
Last night, The Robot started off the game a little like we're used to seeing from our quarterbacks down here in the Land of the Shitty Quarterbacks: a fumble and an INT. But he quickly shook it off by then going 16 for 20 and ending the night with 134 yards and a TD (it pays to be able to clear out the memory banks of confidence-killing plays!) on his way to leading the Fins to their 14-10 victory over the Saints to close out the pre-season. His 8-yard TD to tight end Sean Ryan was a thing of beauty. And his Favre-like improvised flip to Greg Camarillo to set up a Ronnie Brown TD was ballsy.
Chad Henne is just all balls. Big balls too. Credit Parcells for this, who looks for players with large sacks and then drafts them. Chad Henne is one of those players. Chad Henne has a gargantuan sack. We're talking big. Like those sacks of money with dollar signs on them from them old-timey cartoons, you ask? Um, yeah sure why not.
-The DUDE
Last night, The Robot started off the game a little like we're used to seeing from our quarterbacks down here in the Land of the Shitty Quarterbacks: a fumble and an INT. But he quickly shook it off by then going 16 for 20 and ending the night with 134 yards and a TD (it pays to be able to clear out the memory banks of confidence-killing plays!) on his way to leading the Fins to their 14-10 victory over the Saints to close out the pre-season. His 8-yard TD to tight end Sean Ryan was a thing of beauty. And his Favre-like improvised flip to Greg Camarillo to set up a Ronnie Brown TD was ballsy.
Chad Henne is just all balls. Big balls too. Credit Parcells for this, who looks for players with large sacks and then drafts them. Chad Henne is one of those players. Chad Henne has a gargantuan sack. We're talking big. Like those sacks of money with dollar signs on them from them old-timey cartoons, you ask? Um, yeah sure why not.
-The DUDE
When I heard the Fins were thinking of bringing in Chad Pennington, my first reaction was not unlike someone undergoing a rectal exam with a table spoon. We have become the highway rest stop for has-been injured QBs who've been thrown away by their old teams. And it had delivered one giant heaping wad of shit after another. So here's Pennington, coming off a terrible season with a shoulder injury. But that didn't stop Parcells' pants from bulging when he heard Chad was free. Nor did it stop Parcells from making the call to Pennington's agent.
So here we go again, I thought. Just one more shitty re-tread QB to add to our fantabulous collection. But then came Saturday. And I saw Chad Henne and his potential and, I must admit, I got a bulge in my own pants. It's just one game, but I'm pretty sure we finally found our franchise QB. And what does Henne need other than to be constantly oiled and have updates installed into his hard drive? He needs a dude to teach him while he sits and waits for his turn. And who did he have to teach him? Josh McCown.
If Pennington sucks, then McCown sucks with extra MSG. Coming into Miami, McCown had the experience of a journeyman QB. So it seemed natural for him to be the bridge to the future. Sadly, he also apparently has the IQ of a shoe. Also, McCown is also not a very good quarterback. He stumbles around in the pocket like a moose that's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He also tends to panic when the pressure is on, causing him to just heave the football like it's one of those ACME cannonball bombs in the old Looney Tunes cartoons. This was the guy slated to teach The Robot the ropes of NFL stardom.
Had Pennington been available before we signed McCown, then I think I wouldn't have been as angry if we had signed him then. Sure he's 32 and damaged goods. Sure he has the arm strength of a baby spider monkey. But he's exactly what this team needs right now, I think. A guy who knows how to move an offense, and a guy who seems to have no ego whatsoever. He seems to relish the mentor role and he seems like he's not a dick, which is always good. Plus, my Mom thinks he's just too adorable. So there's that. Yes, Chad Pennington will do just fine.
That is, until he gets sacked in the first game of the season and then has to miss 6-to-8 weeks.
Until then, I approve of Chad Pennington.
Ah, but what about Mr. T. you ask?
Well then there you go.
-The DUDE
When I heard the Fins were thinking of bringing in Chad Pennington, my first reaction was not unlike someone undergoing a rectal exam with a table spoon. We have become the highway rest stop for has-been injured QBs who've been thrown away by their old teams. And it had delivered one giant heaping wad of shit after another. So here's Pennington, coming off a terrible season with a shoulder injury. But that didn't stop Parcells' pants from bulging when he heard Chad was free. Nor did it stop Parcells from making the call to Pennington's agent.
So here we go again, I thought. Just one more shitty re-tread QB to add to our fantabulous collection. But then came Saturday. And I saw Chad Henne and his potential and, I must admit, I got a bulge in my own pants. It's just one game, but I'm pretty sure we finally found our franchise QB. And what does Henne need other than to be constantly oiled and have updates installed into his hard drive? He needs a dude to teach him while he sits and waits for his turn. And who did he have to teach him? Josh McCown.
If Pennington sucks, then McCown sucks with extra MSG. Coming into Miami, McCown had the experience of a journeyman QB. So it seemed natural for him to be the bridge to the future. Sadly, he also apparently has the IQ of a shoe. Also, McCown is also not a very good quarterback. He stumbles around in the pocket like a moose that's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He also tends to panic when the pressure is on, causing him to just heave the football like it's one of those ACME cannonball bombs in the old Looney Tunes cartoons. This was the guy slated to teach The Robot the ropes of NFL stardom.
Had Pennington been available before we signed McCown, then I think I wouldn't have been as angry if we had signed him then. Sure he's 32 and damaged goods. Sure he has the arm strength of a baby spider monkey. But he's exactly what this team needs right now, I think. A guy who knows how to move an offense, and a guy who seems to have no ego whatsoever. He seems to relish the mentor role and he seems like he's not a dick, which is always good. Plus, my Mom thinks he's just too adorable. So there's that. Yes, Chad Pennington will do just fine.
That is, until he gets sacked in the first game of the season and then has to miss 6-to-8 weeks.
Until then, I approve of Chad Pennington.
Ah, but what about Mr. T. you ask?
Well then there you go.
-The DUDE
Throughout the week, it was rumored that Tony Sparano was only going to play two quarterbacks in tonight's pre-season matchup against the Tampa Bay Gay Pirates Buccaneers. Early indications had John Beck sitting out the game with Josh McCown and Chad Henne getting the playing time. Now with the arrival of Chad Pennington, the quarterback situation has gotten all muddled and cloudy. So, really, not much has changed.
ESPN reported this morning that Beck will get the start, with Henne coming in and alternating quarters with him. Now the Miami Herald is confirming that McCown will indeed be the one sitting out tonight's game.
This could mean lights out for McCown, who just a week ago had visions of starting for the Miami Dolphins and sugarplums dancing in his head. Not necessarily in that order.
Or it could mean that tonight is Beck's last chance to prove he's worth a roster spot.
So tonight it will be Beck starting the first and fourth quarter with Henne starting the second and third quarter. McCown will roam the sidelines with a clipboard while Pennington suffers a shoulder dislocation trying to pour himself some Gatorade.
Meanwhile, Greg Cote loves the Pennington signing. Which makes me think those of us who don't like it are on to something.
-The DUDE
Throughout the week, it was rumored that Tony Sparano was only going to play two quarterbacks in tonight's pre-season matchup against the Tampa Bay Gay Pirates Buccaneers. Early indications had John Beck sitting out the game with Josh McCown and Chad Henne getting the playing time. Now with the arrival of Chad Pennington, the quarterback situation has gotten all muddled and cloudy. So, really, not much has changed.
ESPN reported this morning that Beck will get the start, with Henne coming in and alternating quarters with him. Now the Miami Herald is confirming that McCown will indeed be the one sitting out tonight's game.
This could mean lights out for McCown, who just a week ago had visions of starting for the Miami Dolphins and sugarplums dancing in his head. Not necessarily in that order.
Or it could mean that tonight is Beck's last chance to prove he's worth a roster spot.
So tonight it will be Beck starting the first and fourth quarter with Henne starting the second and third quarter. McCown will roam the sidelines with a clipboard while Pennington suffers a shoulder dislocation trying to pour himself some Gatorade.
Meanwhile, Greg Cote loves the Pennington signing. Which makes me think those of us who don't like it are on to something.
-The DUDE
Tony Sparano reportedly told his quarterbacks how things will roll Saturday night against the Bucs but, for some reason, asked them not to share this information with the media.
McCown:
''Coach told us exactly the plan, and all of the QBs are playing on the plan, so we're ready to roll,'' said McCown, who was listed atop the depth chart this week but would not say Thursday if he would start against the Bucs. ``It's nothing I'd care to discuss. If Coach wants to tell you all, he'll tell you.''
Henne:
''He has a plan,'' Henne said. ``He should be able to tell you, but not by me. I can't. That's his word. And we admire what he says.''
Beck:
"Coach Sparano has told us it's a decision he would make come game time, so come game time we'll find out,'' Beck said. ``We'll see. Everything is up to him. He's the one calling what will be going on, so we'll just do what he says.''
So apparently McCown and Henne know the plan but Beck seems to think it's a game-time decision. Other reports say that Sparano has "hinted" that only two quarterbacks would see playing-time against the Bucs Saturday. In other unconfirmed reports, Sparano was seen talking to the three QBs and saying, "One of you guys will have to sit out this game. But I won't say who until ten minutes before kickoff." Then he gestured to Beck by poking his head and darting his eyes at him, then rubbed his nose with a finger that pointed at Beck, then he put a hand over his mouth and cleared his throat, "CoughBeckCough!!"
-The DUDE
Tony Sparano reportedly told his quarterbacks how things will roll Saturday night against the Bucs but, for some reason, asked them not to share this information with the media.
McCown:
''Coach told us exactly the plan, and all of the QBs are playing on the plan, so we're ready to roll,'' said McCown, who was listed atop the depth chart this week but would not say Thursday if he would start against the Bucs. ``It's nothing I'd care to discuss. If Coach wants to tell you all, he'll tell you.''
Henne:
''He has a plan,'' Henne said. ``He should be able to tell you, but not by me. I can't. That's his word. And we admire what he says.''
Beck:
"Coach Sparano has told us it's a decision he would make come game time, so come game time we'll find out,'' Beck said. ``We'll see. Everything is up to him. He's the one calling what will be going on, so we'll just do what he says.''
So apparently McCown and Henne know the plan but Beck seems to think it's a game-time decision. Other reports say that Sparano has "hinted" that only two quarterbacks would see playing-time against the Bucs Saturday. In other unconfirmed reports, Sparano was seen talking to the three QBs and saying, "One of you guys will have to sit out this game. But I won't say who until ten minutes before kickoff." Then he gestured to Beck by poking his head and darting his eyes at him, then rubbed his nose with a finger that pointed at Beck, then he put a hand over his mouth and cleared his throat, "CoughBeckCough!!"
-The DUDE
Seems more and more evident that Chad Henne is winning over coaches, reporters and even teammates with his skill and overall badassery lately. So much so, that some people are believing The Robot could very well beat Josh McCown and John Beck for the starting job.
Vonnie Holliday, once a doubter like the rest of us, is now convinced:
As is Yeremiah Bell:
When the Reining King of the Badasses thinks you're impressive, well then, what else is there? For his part, Henne is remaining even keeled about all the recent hype and is keeping things in perspective:
It's a bland quote. But what do you expect from The Robot? Push him further to articulate some more, and he's liable to melt your face off with his heat ray. So it's best to just take his boring quotes as is, and back away slowly.
Anyway, Saturday's pre-season game is already getting interesting.
-The DUDE
