Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Chad Pennington Is Better

Lost in all the nuttyness of the BRETT FAVRE IS A JET!!! thing were the thoughts roaming in the back of my head at the time. Mainly, that Chad Pennington was going to somehow end up having a better season than The Ultimate Diva. And boobies. Always boobies on my mind. Big ones, little ones, bouncy ones..... mmmmmm.....  boobies.....

Even though I had serious doubts about signing Pennington -- thanks to a scarred psyche brought on by the likes of Jay Fiedler, AJ Feeley, Joey Harrington, Daunte Culpepper, Brian Griese.... you know the list -- I also felt that if he could stay healthy, he would be solid enough and be the guy to lead our team. At least until The Robot was fully charged and ready to take over the job (and then melting us all with his heat ray).

Well, so far, it's official: Chad Pennington has been very good, while Favre has been very mediocre. Pennington has had his flaws but, overall, he's been a spark. Meanwhile, Favre almost lost to the fucking Chiefs and was booed by Jets fans on Sunday. 

Our man Salguero weighs in on the matter:

Pennington's completion percentage (69.3) is higher than Favre's (68.5). Pennington has thrown for more yards (1,710) than Favre (1,611) despite having 33 fewer attempts.

Pennington has more completions of 20-yards or more (20) than Favre (17) and more passes of 40-yards or more (5) than Favre (4).

Favre does have more TD passes (15) than Pennington (7). But he also has thrown more interceptions (11) than Pennington (3). Pennington's rating for the season is 100.5 while Favre's rating is 89.5.

Salguero then asks his readers to choose between Chad and Brett if they had to pick one to start right now for a championship game. He also asks them to be fair and balanced by sighting Fox News.

So to recap, Armando Salguero started to write a pretty good blog post about Chad Pennington and then it turned into a midget-sized turd, as usual.

Also, Pennington is better than Favre. So Favre can suck it.

(Don't forget to vote for Chad)

Douchebaggy Jets fans trolls in 3....2.....1.....

Chad Pennington is up for FedEx NFL Air Player of the Week

Two things happen to me whenever the Dolphins win:

1.) I get happy.
2.) I get an e-mail from sexy Rebecca.

It seems more imperative now that the Dolphins should win every damn week.

Anyway, here's Rebecca's e-mail:

Hi the dude"

It's your favorite source of information Rebecca here letting you know that Chad Pennington was nominated as one of the FedEx Air & Ground NFL Players of the Week for his performance in Week 8.  It's been a while but I'm hoping you can help spread the word to all your readers to get out there and vote! (Especially because Safe Kids is such a good message). Thanks again for all your help!

I look forward to hearing from you and please let me know if you have questions or need anything else.

Thanks,

Rebecca

So, Nation, it's up to you. Fulfill your civic duty and vote for Chad Pennington. Do it now! Do it often! He's got an uphill battle what with Drew Brees and Matt Schaub having big games last week. So if Chad doesn't win, it'll be all your fault. And you don't want to go through life as the guy who only voted for Chad Pennington once. What's the matter with you? Jesus!

And here's to the Dolphins always having somebody up for FedEx Ground or Air Player of the Week every week. Because, at the end of the day, it's really all about me getting e-mails from Rebecca. I mean, the kids. It's all about the kids.

The Whole Chad Henne Thing

The Robot reacts to Michael Crabtree's highlight video

To start Henne or to not start Henne. It's been the number one topic of conversation on other blogs and on local radio all week. But I haven't touched it because, frankly, I botched it last season when I called for John Beck to start. Little did I know that he would treat the football like it was made of a bucket of dicks. Little did I know that Cleo Lemon would be better than him. Little did I know that the man who said he had a surprise for me in his pants was actually talking about his penis. But some fans are calling for Chad Henne to start over Chad Pennington. Mainly because, meh, fuck it, why not? And I get it.

But I'm going to say no on this. Mainly because we have shit for players and it just wouldn't do anyone any good. Not that I think Henne would go the way of a Beck or a David Carr and lose all confidence if he came out and played poorly. He's a robot, so he knows no such emotions as confidence or lack of confidence or love or hate or fear. But I'd rather we'd get some, you know, talent around him before turning him loose. Look, I hate watching Captain Noodles run the offense with his dink and dunk passes just as much as you do. But I'd rather we kept him as the starter while Henne roamed the sidelines, downloading the information and coming in for mop-up duty like he did last week. It'll be a good way to ease him into things. And I'm going to say this now: Next April, we must draft Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree. Fuck everybody else. 6-3, 214 lbs, and an absolute beast (by the way, Anquan is 6-1, 217 lbs). This is the guy to get. Crabtree and Devone Bess would give Henne a pretty awesome one-two combo for many seasons to come.

Maybe in my next lifetime, the Dolphins will actually do what I say and we'll have ourselves a decent team. Also maybe in my next lifetime, I'm going to get a girlfriend with no feet. That way she won't nag me about taking her dancing all the time.

-The DUDE

The Whole Chad Henne Thing

The Robot reacts to Michael Crabtree's highlight video

To start Henne or to not start Henne. It's been the number one topic of conversation on other blogs and on local radio all week. But I haven't touched it because, frankly, I botched it last season when I called for John Beck to start. Little did I know that he would treat the football like it was made of a bucket of dicks. Little did I know that Cleo Lemon would be better than him. Little did I know that the man who said he had a surprise for me in his pants was actually talking about his penis. But some fans are calling for Chad Henne to start over Chad Pennington. Mainly because, meh, fuck it, why not? And I get it.

But I'm going to say no on this. Mainly because we have shit for players and it just wouldn't do anyone any good. Not that I think Henne would go the way of a Beck or a David Carr and lose all confidence if he came out and played poorly. He's a robot, so he knows no such emotions as confidence or lack of confidence or love or hate or fear. But I'd rather we'd get some, you know, talent around him before turning him loose. Look, I hate watching Captain Noodles run the offense with his dink and dunk passes just as much as you do. But I'd rather we kept him as the starter while Henne roamed the sidelines, downloading the information and coming in for mop-up duty like he did last week. It'll be a good way to ease him into things. And I'm going to say this now: Next April, we must draft Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree. Fuck everybody else. 6-3, 214 lbs, and an absolute beast (by the way, Anquan is 6-1, 217 lbs). This is the guy to get. Crabtree and Devone Bess would give Henne a pretty awesome one-two combo for many seasons to come.

Maybe in my next lifetime, the Dolphins will actually do what I say and we'll have ourselves a decent team. Also maybe in my next lifetime, I'm going to get a girlfriend with no feet. That way she won't nag me about taking her dancing all the time.

-The DUDE

Chad Pennington, Davone Bess � UP(!) All Night

From yesterday�s Palm Beach Post Dolphins Blog:

One reason why Bess is endearing himself to his coaches: He is enrolled at Chad Pennington University, joining the quarterback at his renowned late-night study sessions.
�I know at one point, (Pennington) and Davone Bess were tied up in a room down here by themselves,� Sparano mentioned Wednesday. �That�s valuable for Bess.�

Sparano went on to add:

�Next thing ya know, I came in at about 3:17am and Chad�s eatin� up Bess� fruity pebbles, if ya get my drift.  I mean, at the end of da day, if ya up all night wit ya quarterback goin� ova plays, kissin� each otha, strokin� it hahd til ya juice comes out and all this otha crazy stuff then I think that�s gotta translate to betta communication on Sundays.  I mean, everyone knows I�m a hate-fucka and I did some disturbing tings to my wife last Sunday night after da loss to da Jets, but to see da guys also buyin� into the program by tying each othah up and usin� ostrich feathahs to get each otha off while goin� over Henning�s playbook � well, dat just brings a teayah to my eye, ya know???  I just hope dey take it easy on �execution�, if ya get my drift.  Dey need a safe word or sometin��

-DRK

Chad Pennington, Davone Bess – UP(!) All Night

From yesterday’s Palm Beach Post Dolphins Blog:

One reason why Bess is endearing himself to his coaches: He is enrolled at Chad Pennington University, joining the quarterback at his renowned late-night study sessions.
“I know at one point, (Pennington) and Davone Bess were tied up in a room down here by themselves,” Sparano mentioned Wednesday. “That’s valuable for Bess.”

Sparano went on to add:

“Next thing ya know, I came in at about 3:17am and Chad’s eatin’ up Bess’ fruity pebbles, if ya get my drift.  I mean, at the end of da day, if ya up all night wit ya quarterback goin’ ova plays, kissin’ each otha, strokin’ it hahd til ya juice comes out and all this otha crazy stuff then I think that’s gotta translate to betta communication on Sundays.  I mean, everyone knows I’m a hate-fucka and I did some disturbing tings to my wife last Sunday night after da loss to da Jets, but to see da guys also buyin’ into the program by tying each othah up and usin’ ostrich feathahs to get each otha off while goin’ over Henning’s playbook – well, dat just brings a teayah to my eye, ya know???  I just hope dey take it easy on ‘execution’, if ya get my drift.  Dey need a safe word or sometin’”

-DRK

Chad Pennington Has a Good First Practice, Forgets How to Put on Chin Strap

Chad Pennington had his first practice with the Fins yesterday. And so far, the immediate reaction is: "Wow. Looks like picking him up was a good idea." That, or: "Wow. McCown and Beck really do suck shit through a straw, don't they?" Or you could just go with my first reaction to pretty much anything and everything: "I love boobies!"

Anyway, our man Omar reports that Pennington's performance was the best he's seen all camp so far. I can report that Pennington gives me a hardon. Because he's just so fucking gorgeous.

Chad Pennington Has a Good First Practice, Forgets How to Put on Chin Strap

Chad Pennington had his first practice with the Fins yesterday. And so far, the immediate reaction is: "Wow. Looks like picking him up was a good idea." That, or: "Wow. McCown and Beck really do suck shit through a straw, don't they?" Or you could just go with my first reaction to pretty much anything and everything: "I love boobies!"

Anyway, our man Omar reports that Pennington's performance was the best he's seen all camp so far.

Actually, This Pennington Thing Could Turn Out To Be a Good Move, Maybe

When I heard the Fins were thinking of bringing in Chad Pennington, my first reaction was not unlike someone undergoing a rectal exam with a table spoon. We have become the highway rest stop for has-been injured QBs who've been thrown away by their old teams. And it had delivered one giant heaping wad of shit after another. So here's Pennington, coming off a terrible season with a shoulder injury. But that didn't stop Parcells' pants from bulging when he heard Chad was free. Nor did it stop Parcells from making the call to Pennington's agent.

So here we go again, I thought. Just one more shitty re-tread QB to add to our fantabulous collection. But then came Saturday. And I saw Chad Henne and his potential and, I must admit, I got a bulge in my own pants. It's just one game, but I'm pretty sure we finally found our franchise QB. And what does Henne need other than to be constantly oiled and have updates installed into his hard drive? He needs a dude to teach him while he sits and waits for his turn. And who did he have to teach him? Josh McCown.

If Pennington sucks, then McCown sucks with extra MSG. Coming into Miami, McCown had the experience of a journeyman QB. So it seemed natural for him to be the bridge to the future. Sadly, he also apparently has the IQ of a shoe. Also, McCown is also not a very good quarterback. He stumbles around in the pocket like a moose that's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He also tends to panic when the pressure is on, causing him to just heave the football like it's one of those ACME cannonball bombs in the old Looney Tunes cartoons. This was the guy slated to teach The Robot the ropes of NFL stardom.

Had Pennington been available before we signed McCown, then I think I wouldn't have been as angry if we had signed him then. Sure he's 32 and damaged goods. Sure he has the arm strength of a baby spider monkey. But he's exactly what this team needs right now, I think. A guy who knows how to move an offense, and a guy who seems to have no ego whatsoever. He seems to relish the mentor role and he seems like he's not a dick, which is always good. Plus, my Mom thinks he's just too adorable. So there's that. Yes, Chad Pennington will do just fine.

That is, until he gets sacked in the first game of the season and then has to miss 6-to-8 weeks.

Until then, I approve of Chad Pennington.

Ah, but what about Mr. T. you ask?

Well then there you go.

-The DUDE

Actually, This Pennington Thing Could Turn Out To Be a Good Move, Maybe

When I heard the Fins were thinking of bringing in Chad Pennington, my first reaction was not unlike someone undergoing a rectal exam with a table spoon. We have become the highway rest stop for has-been injured QBs who've been thrown away by their old teams. And it had delivered one giant heaping wad of shit after another. So here's Pennington, coming off a terrible season with a shoulder injury. But that didn't stop Parcells' pants from bulging when he heard Chad was free. Nor did it stop Parcells from making the call to Pennington's agent.

So here we go again, I thought. Just one more shitty re-tread QB to add to our fantabulous collection. But then came Saturday. And I saw Chad Henne and his potential and, I must admit, I got a bulge in my own pants. It's just one game, but I'm pretty sure we finally found our franchise QB. And what does Henne need other than to be constantly oiled and have updates installed into his hard drive? He needs a dude to teach him while he sits and waits for his turn. And who did he have to teach him? Josh McCown.

If Pennington sucks, then McCown sucks with extra MSG. Coming into Miami, McCown had the experience of a journeyman QB. So it seemed natural for him to be the bridge to the future. Sadly, he also apparently has the IQ of a shoe. Also, McCown is also not a very good quarterback. He stumbles around in the pocket like a moose that's been shot with a tranquilizer dart. He also tends to panic when the pressure is on, causing him to just heave the football like it's one of those ACME cannonball bombs in the old Looney Tunes cartoons. This was the guy slated to teach The Robot the ropes of NFL stardom.

Had Pennington been available before we signed McCown, then I think I wouldn't have been as angry if we had signed him then. Sure he's 32 and damaged goods. Sure he has the arm strength of a baby spider monkey. But he's exactly what this team needs right now, I think. A guy who knows how to move an offense, and a guy who seems to have no ego whatsoever. He seems to relish the mentor role and he seems like he's not a dick, which is always good. Plus, my Mom thinks he's just too adorable. So there's that. Yes, Chad Pennington will do just fine.

That is, until he gets sacked in the first game of the season and then has to miss 6-to-8 weeks.

Until then, I approve of Chad Pennington.

Ah, but what about Mr. T. you ask?

Well then there you go.

-The DUDE