Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Dan Marino is The Real Comeback King

It's nice to see someone doing some real work around here and pounding the pavement of the past for the truth.

For years, you, me and everyone we know thought it was absolute scientific fact that Marino was always 2nd to Elway when it came to comeback wins.  Well, not anymore, you beautiful bastards!!!  Scott Kacsmar over at pro-football-reference.com has combed through the careers of both Elway and Marino and discovered that the Broncos statisticians were full of fucking shit:  Marino eclipses Elway's comeback total 51 to 49.  Seems the Broncos' team statisticians were snorting and drinking some Rothian shit because they dished out numbers that included games where THE BRONCOS WERE TIED IN THE 4TH QUARTER.  The fuck?  Doesn't the very definition of a 'comeback' mean that you are down coming into the 4th quarter of the game???  This loose interpretation by the Broncos coincided with a very strict interpretation by Dolphins statisticians whereby Marino only received credit if we were down coming into the 4th quarter.  Even if you remove playoff games, then Marino STILL had 36 to 34 on Elway.  In fact, Elway may not even be #2, considering that Unitas has 31 comebacks during a time when those kinds of statistics were only counted for the regular season. 

Thanks to Mr Kacsmar, a long-held belief has now been debunked and two universal truths are reaffirmed: 

1.) Marino is the greatest comeback quarterback - nay, greatest quarterback PERIOD - of all fucking time and you can take that to the bank.  The Glengarry leads are for fucking CLOSERS and that's what Marino was.  If he had to fuck 7 pussies and he'd already jerked off 5 times that day, every single one of them is getting a creampie.  End of story. 

2.) John Elway is a fetus-faced retard and his retarded looks will only get him 2nd place to Marino, if even that. 

I tire of seeing the same stupid commercials on NFL Network every goddamn day and this time I can say unequivocally that 'this one is not for John'.  Next time someone mentions that erroneous stat, feel free to punch them right in the dick as hard as you can.

via With Leather and The Fifth Down

I can breathe again....

Remember that report about Dan Marino being on this season's Dancing With the Stars from a few weeks back? It's officially not true. I can finally unclench my asshole.

-The DUDE

I can breathe again....

Remember that report about Dan Marino being on this season's Dancing With the Stars from a few weeks back? It's officially not true. I can finally unclench my asshole.

-The DUDE

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Why God?! WHY!!??

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Why God?! WHY!!??

Yup. Our QBs Do, In Fact, Suck Balls

So this weekend was all about Saturday's intra-squad scrimmage between the defense and offense. While the Right Arm of God himself watched from the sidelines, Josh McCown, John Beck and Chad Henne pretty much sucked the place up nice and good.

The Mormon was well aware of the presence of the Great One, and was a tad embarrassed: 

"I'm sure we would have liked to have done a little bit better," Beck said.

"I'm sure it brought back a few memories for Dan. I'm sure he was standing there, maybe wishing he was still throwing it around a little bit."

If he had joined in, Marino, 46, might have been the best quarterback on the field.

During a three-series span while Parcells and Marino chatted, the Dolphins' three quarterbacks - Beck, Josh McCown and Chad Henne - completed 2-of-22 throws.

Both were screen passes.

Holy shit shoes that's bad.

Meanwhile, Henne supposedly did the best, as he was the only one to complete 50 percent of his passes. But 50 percent of shit is still shit:

John Beck went 9-for-22 without a touchdown and had a sure interception dropped by Charlie Anderson. Henne was 10-for-18 with a touchdown to David Kircus, but went 1-for-5 on his second series. Josh McCown was 7-for-22 with two touchdowns, one interception to Travis Daniels, and another dropped interception by Quentin Moses. During one stretch, the quarterbacks combined to complete 2-of-22 passes.

What word means the exact opposite of "news?" Whatever it is, say that and then "Our quarterbacks fucking suck." Same thing.

-The DUDE

Yup. Our QBs Do, In Fact, Suck Balls

So this weekend was all about Saturday's intra-squad scrimmage between the defense and offense. While the Right Arm of God himself watched from the sidelines, Josh McCown, John Beck and Chad Henne pretty much sucked the place up nice and good.

The Mormon was well aware of the presence of the Great One, and was a tad embarrassed: 

"I'm sure we would have liked to have done a little bit better," Beck said.

"I'm sure it brought back a few memories for Dan. I'm sure he was standing there, maybe wishing he was still throwing it around a little bit."

If he had joined in, Marino, 46, might have been the best quarterback on the field.

During a three-series span while Parcells and Marino chatted, the Dolphins' three quarterbacks - Beck, Josh McCown and Chad Henne - completed 2-of-22 throws.

Both were screen passes.

Holy shit shoes that's bad.

Meanwhile, Henne supposedly did the best, as he was the only one to complete 50 percent of his passes. But 50 percent of shit is still shit:

John Beck went 9-for-22 without a touchdown and had a sure interception dropped by Charlie Anderson. Henne was 10-for-18 with a touchdown to David Kircus, but went 1-for-5 on his second series. Josh McCown was 7-for-22 with two touchdowns, one interception to Travis Daniels, and another dropped interception by Quentin Moses. During one stretch, the quarterbacks combined to complete 2-of-22 passes.

What word means the exact opposite of "news?" Whatever it is, say that and then "Our quarterbacks fucking suck." Same thing.

-The DUDE

Let's Do This

Last season, with our votes, we helped Ted Ginn win the Pepsi Rookie of the Week. And while that in and of itself is not much of a feat, it at least masked some of the pain we were still feeling over his being drafted 9th overall by our beloved fucked-up franchise. Point is, you -- we -- came through and our votes bolted him over some other rookies I don't remember.

Well it's time to make it happen again, Nation. Sirius Satellite Radio is putting together "The Greatest NFL Team of All Time" and this week are asking folks to vote for the greatest quarterback of all time. Polls close on Monday, but that doesn't mean you have permission to wait til then, you procrastinating shitball. Go do it. Now. Vote for Dan Marino and feel good that you did something productive with your day. I voted last night and, last I checked, Dan The Right Arm of God Marino was tied for first with Joe Thank Christ For Bill Walsh! Montana at 19%.

So do your civic duty as a member of the Nation. We pull this off, and it will be official. You will be recognized as the awesomest fans in the universe. And the entire world will know that you just don't fuck with the FinsNation Army!

Ain't that right, Tiny Armando?

   He ain't lyin'!

Damn fuckin straight.

Thanks to reader Dick for sending in the tip. You may have an unfortunate name, but you're still a badass in my book.

Let's Do This

Last season, with our votes, we helped Ted Ginn win the Pepsi Rookie of the Week. And while that in and of itself is not much of a feat, it at least masked some of the pain we were still feeling over his being drafted 9th overall by our beloved fucked-up franchise. Point is, you -- we -- came through and our votes bolted him over some other rookies I don't remember.

Well it's time to make it happen again, Nation. Sirius Satellite Radio is putting together "The Greatest NFL Team of All Time" and this week are asking folks to vote for the greatest quarterback of all time. Polls close on Monday, but that doesn't mean you have permission to wait til then, you procrastinating shitball. Go do it. Now. Vote for Dan Marino and feel good that you did something productive with your day. I voted last night and, last I checked, Dan The Right Arm of God Marino was tied for first with Joe Thank Christ For Bill Walsh! Montana at 19%.

So do your civic duty as a member of the Nation. We pull this off, and it will be official. You will be recognized as the awesomest fans in the universe. And the entire world will know that you just don't fuck with the FinsNation Army!

Ain't that right, Tiny Armando?

   He ain't lyin'!

Damn fuckin straight.

Thanks to reader Dick for sending in the tip. You may have an unfortunate name, but you're still a badass in my book.

Tom Brady, Peyton Manning: Dan Marino Would Like You To Tell Him How His Ass Tastes

One more time. Just for the record.

BAM!