Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Re-Visiting the Demise of King Douche

I know I touched on this earlier in the week. But I figure, since we were the first to truly make loathing Tom Brady an art form before it became a league-wide trend, we should re-visit the fact that, yes Nation, we're living in a King Douche-free world!

As you can see above, there's already a video tribute to the big moment. And sexy reader Karen e-mailed me this link yesterday. Awesome.

I don't think I've ever seen such a world-wide show of unity, solidarity and collective glee over an athlete's injury. It almost makes me wanna hug a Jets fan. Fuck me for thinking that, but it's true. And while we celebrate, other high-minded, self-righteous douchebags (ie: Massholes, ESPN commenters, and old white men) are looking down on us and calling us classless for celebrating a man getting hurt. Fuck them in the ass with a Royal manual typewriter, I say. Because a douche is a douche. And Karma is a bitch.

BDD of Deadspin and KSK explains our justified joy over Brady's knee turning to cream corn right here. He also adds that we also all have an equal hatred for Bill Belichick, the Dark Lord of the Douche: "maybe Belichick could get hit by a cement mixer," he writes. I was the first to advocate Belichick getting nailed by a cement truck last season, so BDD and I being of the same mind on this is no coincidence. Although my Belichick-ramming cement truck had snakes and scorpions inside it.

So drink up Nation! At long last we have something to celebrate and be content about! King Douche is dead! Long live the king!

Seriously, though. He's a fucking douche.

-The DUDE

Re-Visiting the Demise of King Douche

I know I touched on this earlier in the week. But I figure, since we were the first to truly make loathing Tom Brady an art form before it became a league-wide trend, we should re-visit the fact that, yes Nation, we're living in a King Douche-free world!

As you can see above, there's already a video tribute to the big moment. And sexy reader Karen e-mailed me this link yesterday. Awesome.

I don't think I've ever seen such a world-wide show of unity, solidarity and collective glee over an athlete's injury. It almost makes me wanna hug a Jets fan. Fuck me for thinking that, but it's true. And while we celebrate, other high-minded, self-righteous douchebags (ie: Massholes, ESPN commenters, and old white men) are looking down on us and calling us classless for celebrating a man getting hurt. Fuck them in the ass with a Royal manual typewriter, I say. Because a douche is a douche. And Karma is a bitch.

BDD of Deadspin and KSK explains our justified joy over Brady's knee turning to cream corn right here. He also adds that we also all have an equal hatred for Bill Belichick, the Dark Lord of the Douche: "maybe Belichick could get hit by a cement mixer," he writes. I was the first to advocate Belichick getting nailed by a cement truck last season, so BDD and I being of the same mind on this is no coincidence. Although my Belichick-ramming cement truck had snakes and scorpions inside it.

So drink up Nation! At long last we have something to celebrate and be content about! King Douche is dead! Long live the king!

Seriously, though. He's a fucking douche.

-The DUDE

Brady's Done, or You're Only as Smart as an Anterior Cruciate Ligament

mumblemumblemumblemumble...I'm a genius....mumblemumblemumble...the greatest most percipient football mind of our times...mumble...

Ouchy!

Well, fuck me with a baltine hammer.
This could hurt me. mumble....

--
-The DUDE

Brady's Done, or You're Only as Smart as an Anterior Cruciate Ligament

mumblemumblemumblemumble...I'm a genius....mumblemumblemumble...the greatest most percipient football mind of our times...mumble...

Ouchy!

Well, fuck me with a baltine hammer.
This could hurt me. mumble....

--
-The DUDE

The King Dry Humps His Lineman to Display His Happiness About JT No Longer Being a Dolphin

We all knew it was happening. And now it's official. King Douche has let it be known to the world that he is a happy man because he no longer has to face Jason Taylor twice a year.

�[Matt] Light and I popped a cold beer when I saw that transaction,� Brady told reporters after Thursday morning�s practice. �We were the two most excited players in the NFL. � We were hugging each other. It was awesome.�

That player we select with the second-rounder we got from Washington better be a game-breaking, touchdown scoring, world smashing, help-old-ladies-across-the-street, saving puppies from burning buildings, woman satisfying, proprietor of football awesomeness. Also, he better be able to shoot flames from his cock. Because the day we get Tom Brady all horny for Matt Light because we shipped off the one guy who scared him on our team is a sad day, Nation. A sad day.

Just sayin.

-The DUDE

The King Dry Humps His Lineman to Display His Happiness About JT No Longer Being a Dolphin

We all knew it was happening. And now it's official. King Douche has let it be known to the world that he is a happy man because he no longer has to face Jason Taylor twice a year.

“[Matt] Light and I popped a cold beer when I saw that transaction,” Brady told reporters after Thursday morning’s practice. “We were the two most excited players in the NFL. … We were hugging each other. It was awesome.”

That player we select with the second-rounder we got from Washington better be a game-breaking, touchdown scoring, world smashing, help-old-ladies-across-the-street, saving puppies from burning buildings, woman satisfying, proprietor of football awesomeness. Also, he better be able to shoot flames from his cock. Because the day we get Tom Brady all horny for Matt Light because we shipped off the one guy who scared him on our team is a sad day, Nation. A sad day.

Just sayin.

-The DUDE

Jason Taylor Is Man of the Year

Jason Taylor is a winner. Tom Brady, not so much.

It seems that every time Jason Taylor steps onto the same football field as Tom Brady, bad things happen to Tom Brady.

So for all the accolades and congratulatory salutes going to Eli Manning and the Giants defense, and rightly so, people also need to recognize the Jason Taylor Effect on last night's game.

This cannot be overstated enough.

Just before kickoff last night, at midfield, Taylor was named the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year. The award goes to players who best combine off-the-field as well as on-the-field achievement. Taylor's done some kickass work through his foundation, especially for kids.

Tom Brady is also performing services for kids, like making them bastards and whatnot.

So, congrats to JT. Class act. Miami Dolphins Ambassador of Badassery. 2008 Man of the Year.

He joins Dwight Stephenson (1985) and The Right Arm of God (1998) as the third Dolphin to win the award. Peculiar enough, no Patriot has ever won the award. Hmm. Interesting.

Jason Taylor Is Man of the Year

Jason Taylor is a winner. Tom Brady, not so much.

It seems that every time Jason Taylor steps onto the same football field as Tom Brady, bad things happen to Tom Brady.

So for all the accolades and congratulatory salutes going to Eli Manning and the Giants defense, and rightly so, people also need to recognize the Jason Taylor Effect on last night's game.

This cannot be overstated enough.

Just before kickoff last night, at midfield, Taylor was named the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year. The award goes to players who best combine off-the-field as well as on-the-field achievement. Taylor's done some kickass work through his foundation, especially for kids.

Tom Brady is also performing services for kids, like making them bastards and whatnot.

So, congrats to JT. Class act. Miami Dolphins Ambassador of Badassery. 2008 Man of the Year.

He joins Dwight Stephenson (1985) and The Right Arm of God (1998) as the third Dolphin to win the award. Peculiar enough, no Patriot has ever won the award. Hmm. Interesting.

Still The ONLY Perfect Team In NFL History!

Hey Massholes...

You ain't never coming into this motherfucking house!

Now run along and go eat a dick or two...
-

(No, no, Bill Simmons. Fuck YOU!)

Still The ONLY Perfect Team In NFL History!

Hey Massholes...

You ain't never coming into this motherfucking house!

Now run along and go eat a dick or two...
-

(No, no, Bill Simmons. Fuck YOU!)