Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

And in transaction news: Dolphins sign a receiver, Pats sign some old dude

The Patriots just re-signed Asshat. He's old but I bet he's as spry as a fox.

Meanwhile, the Dolphins signed receiver Chris Hannon off the 49ers practice squad. Which means they'll get the necessary information about the Niners' playbook from him and then promptly terminate his contract. But you never know. At 6-3, 205 lbs. Hannon's a big receiver with reportedly very good hands. He's only 24 and in a good place to try and win a roster spot. Of course, this is his fourth team in two years. But Sparano calls him a "track guy" which means Hannon can run. So here's to hoping this is another case of Parcells and his Cockpunch Brigade making more magic out of mediocrity.

Also, it looks like Michael Crabtree is staying in school for his senior season. Bah!

Oh You Best Be Votin' For Yeremiah Bell, Muthaf***ka!!!!

Our favorite yoked-up badass is up for GM Defensive Player of the Week.

That's right! Yeremiah Muthafucka Bell (legal name) earned himself a long-overdue honor with his complete and utter mastery of the baddassery on Sunday. Yeremiah led the defense with 9 tackles and also pretty much won the game for the Dolphins when he batted down Seneca Wallace's two-point conversion attempt at the 2:57 mark that sealed the 21-19 win for Miami.

Oh, and in case you thought Yeremiah was just a mindless head-hunting thug, well you're wrong fuck-o. He's a man that uses his brains as well as his innate ability to implode spleens in a single bound:

"Their tight end is their leader in receptions, so I felt like they were going to get him some balls," said Bell, the Dolphins' strong safety. "When I saw him sit down I kind of knew the ball was coming to him, just by the way he turned around. I just tried to stick my hand up there, grab his arms and yank as hard as I could."

Better recognize. And vote. Do it, or else Yeremiah will find you and fuck you up good and proper. And don't think he won't find you. He knows how to use the Google maps.

Muthafucka.

Link Dump, brought to you by Samson Satele and Tony Sparano's neck roll

• DRK posted about this yesterday. My take on it is that John Harbaugh tried to defend his offensive coordinator and did a poor job and things really blew up in his face like a bag filled with shit and lit firecrackers. The best part is that players and fans were already jacked up about facing Cam Cameron's offense anyway. Harbaugh simply stoked the flames by being a total dick. The other thing I found funny is that Harbaugh took a swipe at the players Cam was "forced" to use (you know, guys like Ted Ginn Jr. and Cleo Lemon). The very same players who beat the team he's coaching right now. Finally, lost in all this madness is poor Cam Cameron and his talking penis (which I hear is really angry at Harbaugh and could be heard railing against the head coach during their film sessions). Cam probably wanted to sneak into Miami quietly, go to work and go home. There might have been an article or two about his return, but it would've been relatively quiet -- especially coming off that close-loss to the Texans. Now the poor schlep has become the story of the week, thanks to his jackass head coach who tried to talk tough but instead came across like a total douchenozzle.

• Pro Bowl voting started this week. The Miami Herald says that very early national results given to them by a league source indicates that Ronnie Brown, Joey Porter and Jake Long are leading all AFC players at their positions. Let's make that official.

Warren Sapp Thinks Mother Teresa was Disrespectful to Poor Sick Children for Helping Out all Those Poor Sick Children, and Other Deep Thoughts

Warren Sapp says that the Wildcat formation is being disrespectful to defenses:

"[The Wildcat] is disrespectful to all defenses. It's disrespectful. You're taking the best player in the game, the quarterback, and you're putting him out wide, outside the numbers, and you put the running back in the back..."

Other deep, scholarly musings from Warren Sapp:

"When the fire department keeps your house from burning down, that�s just disrespectful to the fire."

"When you watch a movie with your eyes open, that�s just disrespectful to the movie."

"I don't warn people I'm about to have sex with that I have ghonneria. That's just disrespectful to ghonneria."

"When you don�t sucker block someone 52-yards away from the play and nearly end their career, that�s just disrespectful to... hey pork chops!"

"When you don�t challenge an old man twice your age to a fight while you�re still wearing a helmet and shoulder pads, that�s just disrespectful to old people."

"When you read a book, that�s just disrespectful to your brain."

"When you actually shit into the toilet, that�s just disrespectful to the toilet. Not to mention your maid who gets paid to clean your shit off the kitchen floor."

"When you don�t act like a paranoid attention-craving fucktard, that�s just disrespectful to paranoid attention-craving fucktards.

"When you put Preparation-H on a hemorrhoid, that�s just disrespectful to the hemorrhoid."

"When you eat a half dozen jelly donuts covered in maple syrup and mayonnaise, that�s just fucking delicious."

-The DUDE

Warren Sapp Thinks Mother Teresa was Disrespectful to Poor Sick Children for Helping Out all Those Poor Sick Children, and Other Deep Thoughts

Warren Sapp says that the Wildcat formation is being disrespectful to defenses:

"[The Wildcat] is disrespectful to all defenses. It's disrespectful. You're taking the best player in the game, the quarterback, and you're putting him out wide, outside the numbers, and you put the running back in the back..."

Other deep, scholarly musings from Warren Sapp:

"When the fire department keeps your house from burning down, that’s just disrespectful to the fire."

"When you watch a movie with your eyes open, that’s just disrespectful to the movie."

"I don't warn people I'm about to have sex with that I have ghonneria. That's just disrespectful to ghonneria."

"When you don’t sucker block someone 52-yards away from the play and nearly end their career, that’s just disrespectful to... hey pork chops!"

"When you don’t challenge an old man twice your age to a fight while you’re still wearing a helmet and shoulder pads, that’s just disrespectful to old people."

"When you read a book, that’s just disrespectful to your brain."

"When you actually shit into the toilet, that’s just disrespectful to the toilet. Not to mention your maid who gets paid to clean your shit off the kitchen floor."

"When you don’t act like a paranoid attention-craving fucktard, that’s just disrespectful to paranoid attention-craving fucktards.

"When you put Preparation-H on a hemorrhoid, that’s just disrespectful to the hemorrhoid."

"When you eat a half dozen jelly donuts covered in maple syrup and mayonnaise, that’s just fucking delicious."

-The DUDE

Stuff White People Shouldn't Try, and Ronnie's Awesomeness is Getting Noticed

SI's Bucky Brooks lays out the truth: Ronnie Brown has officially entered the offensive player of the year race. Word. Come correct! Fo sheezy! Fabulous!

-The DUDE

Stuff White People Shouldn't Try, and Ronnie's Awesomeness is Getting Noticed

SI's Bucky Brooks lays out the truth: Ronnie Brown has officially entered the offensive player of the year race. Word. Come correct! Fo sheezy! Fabulous!

-The DUDE

Blackout Lifted, Let the Drinking, Reverie and Overall Debauchery Commence!

According to 790 AM (The Ticket), the Dolphins-Chargers game has been declared a sell-out. The blackout has been lifted.

So this means us locals will be able to watch the game and not be forced to watch the Shamwow! guy and his creepy googly eye for three-and-a-half hours. Hooray!

Hat tip to Douglas for e-mailing me the info.

Update: Sun-Sentinel confirms it.

-The DUDE

Blackout Lifted, Let the Drinking, Reverie and Overall Debauchery Commence!

According to 790 AM (The Ticket), the Dolphins-Chargers game has been declared a sell-out. The blackout has been lifted.

So this means us locals will be able to watch the game and not be forced to watch the Shamwow! guy and his creepy googly eye for three-and-a-half hours. Hooray!

Hat tip to Douglas for e-mailing me the info.

Update: Sun-Sentinel confirms it.

-The DUDE

Link Dump!

• Joey porter was so moved by DRK calling him out two weeks ago, that he went out and got himself another sack during the bye week.

• The Dolphins like fucking with everybody's head with that Wildcat shit. 

• The Dolphins need to sell a few thousand tickets by 1:00 pm today or else it's Black Out Time and we'll all be forced to watch an infomercial about prime real estate in Arkansas with Eric Estrada instead. My guess is we're fucked. Unless you live elsewhere and have Sunday Ticket. Yea, we'll see who's laughing when you're freezing your balls off and shoveling the driveway in December while we here in SoFla are chillin on the beach in 70 degree weather, watching the gorgeous tits roll by while we sip on our White Russians. /bitter

•  Over/under on how many times they show clips from that 1982 Chargers-Dolphins Gasp! Kellen Winslow Is Cramping! Look how he's cramping! They have to help him walk off the field! Greatest Game Ever! will be shown on Sunday pre-game shows?

• How full of the awesome is Omar Kelly? He breaks down the Sombrero defense in a must-read column. How full of shit is Armando Salguero? He basically has Tony Sparano writing his blog for him.

Omar is always on fire. Speaking of fire, I really do wish that the Miami Herald building would catch on fire. Well, maybe not the whole building. Maybe just a section. Maybe just one area. Maybe just the area where the sports writers work. Maybe just one office. Maybe just the one where Armando Salguero works.

So to recap, I wish Armando Salguero would catch on fire. 

-The DUDE