Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Link Dump!

• Joey porter was so moved by DRK calling him out two weeks ago, that he went out and got himself another sack during the bye week.

• The Dolphins like fucking with everybody's head with that Wildcat shit. 

• The Dolphins need to sell a few thousand tickets by 1:00 pm today or else it's Black Out Time and we'll all be forced to watch an infomercial about prime real estate in Arkansas with Eric Estrada instead. My guess is we're fucked. Unless you live elsewhere and have Sunday Ticket. Yea, we'll see who's laughing when you're freezing your balls off and shoveling the driveway in December while we here in SoFla are chillin on the beach in 70 degree weather, watching the gorgeous tits roll by while we sip on our White Russians. /bitter

•  Over/under on how many times they show clips from that 1982 Chargers-Dolphins Gasp! Kellen Winslow Is Cramping! Look how he's cramping! They have to help him walk off the field! Greatest Game Ever! will be shown on Sunday pre-game shows?

• How full of the awesome is Omar Kelly? He breaks down the Sombrero defense in a must-read column. How full of shit is Armando Salguero? He basically has Tony Sparano writing his blog for him.

Omar is always on fire. Speaking of fire, I really do wish that the Miami Herald building would catch on fire. Well, maybe not the whole building. Maybe just a section. Maybe just one area. Maybe just the area where the sports writers work. Maybe just one office. Maybe just the one where Armando Salguero works.

So to recap, I wish Armando Salguero would catch on fire. 

-The DUDE

Rummaging Through the News While Thanking Christ Our Team isn't Run by Al Davis

• Longshanks getting some love from Justin Smiley. If Merling ever lives up to his potential and becomes a multi-Pro Bowl star for the Fins, we'll have the Homeless Genius and his cheating ways to thank. New England's 31st pick essentially went to the Fins in this year's draft after Goodell took it from them. The only way this would be more perfect is if it would've been Merling who cracked Tom Brady's leg in half. 

• Even the Cockpuncher fucks up sometimes.

• Omar Kelly breaks is down. Again. Jesus, this guy just refuses to stop kicking ass. But it seems we scared him off from hitting the CAPS key every other word. FinsNation, changing the face of the mainstream media every day!

• Yes, I did see this story about Ricky. Yes, I agree that he just needs to keep his mouth shut because why share this with people? I don't tell people every time I get the urge to blow Ewan McGregor, do I? Wait. What? It's just that that's how Ricky is. He speaks his mind, he's not a cliche' machine. But yea, he needs to keep his temptations to himself. If nothing than to keep the lame Ricky! Loves! Pot! jokes at bay. Seriously. Fuck you with a tree if you ever make a Ricky Smokes Ganga joke. Asshole.

• On a shitty note, there seems to be several thousand tickets left to be sold for this week's game. Which means we could be blacked out Sunday. Which means the locals here won't be able to watch the game. So if you live here and have a few hundred dollars to spare, please buy some tickets so that us poor folks could watch the game. Thanks! Much appreciated!

-The DUDE

Rummaging Through the News While Thanking Christ Our Team isn't Run by Al Davis

• Longshanks getting some love from Justin Smiley. If Merling ever lives up to his potential and becomes a multi-Pro Bowl star for the Fins, we'll have the Homeless Genius and his cheating ways to thank. New England's 31st pick essentially went to the Fins in this year's draft after Goodell took it from them. The only way this would be more perfect is if it would've been Merling who cracked Tom Brady's leg in half. 

• Even the Cockpuncher fucks up sometimes.

• Omar Kelly breaks is down. Again. Jesus, this guy just refuses to stop kicking ass. But it seems we scared him off from hitting the CAPS key every other word. FinsNation, changing the face of the mainstream media every day!

• Yes, I did see this story about Ricky. Yes, I agree that he just needs to keep his mouth shut because why share this with people? I don't tell people every time I get the urge to blow Ewan McGregor, do I? Wait. What? It's just that that's how Ricky is. He speaks his mind, he's not a cliche' machine. But yea, he needs to keep his temptations to himself. If nothing than to keep the lame Ricky! Loves! Pot! jokes at bay. Seriously. Fuck you with a tree if you ever make a Ricky Smokes Ganga joke. Asshole.

• On a shitty note, there seems to be several thousand tickets left to be sold for this week's game. Which means we could be blacked out Sunday. Which means the locals here won't be able to watch the game. So if you live here and have a few hundred dollars to spare, please buy some tickets so that us poor folks could watch the game. Thanks! Much appreciated!

-The DUDE

Hey, Good News! Ted Ginn Still the Starting WR

It seems like some folks were in a bit of a tizzy yesterday when Derek Hagan appeared on the first-team roster ahead of Ted Ginn Jr. Today, however, Tony Sparano clarified it for everybody: Ted Ginn is still the starter opposite Greg Camarillo. Feel better now?

What? Still don't feel better?

Well, then how bout a picture of Chad Henne zapping a hooker with his death ray?

You're welcome.

-The DUDE

Hey, Good News! Ted Ginn Still the Starting WR

It seems like some folks were in a bit of a tizzy yesterday when Derek Hagan appeared on the first-team roster ahead of Ted Ginn Jr. Today, however, Tony Sparano clarified it for everybody: Ted Ginn is still the starter opposite Greg Camarillo. Feel better now?

What? Still don't feel better?

Well, then how bout a picture of Chad Henne zapping a hooker with his death ray?

You're welcome.

-The DUDE

Sean Ryan is No Longer a Dolphin

Sean Ryan was sent packing today, leaving an open roster spot on the Dolphins. The Fins signed Ryan in February. He did okay in pre-season, including catching a nice pass from Chad Henne against the Saints. But that was it. Jack Ruby was on TV longer than this guy was on the Dolphins. Ka-Zing!

-The DUDE

Sean Ryan is No Longer a Dolphin

Sean Ryan was sent packing today, leaving an open roster spot on the Dolphins. The Fins signed Ryan in February. He did okay in pre-season, including catching a nice pass from Chad Henne against the Saints. But that was it. Jack Ruby was on TV longer than this guy was on the Dolphins. Ka-Zing!

-The DUDE

Donald Thomas May Be Out for the Season, and other Bat-To-The-Groin News

Not sure how reliable they are, but Scouts.com is reporting that rookie right guard Donald Thomas may be out for the rest of the season. Thomas injured his ankle in Sunday's game but played through the pain like the badass he is. However, on Monday, he was seen walking around in crutches. Motherfuck. The report also says the Fins are going to bring in free agent guard Evan Mathis for a try out. Mathis is a former lineman for the Panthers, whom offensive coordinator Dan Henning coached in Carolina (Dan Henning: the New Mike Mularkey!)

The Dolphins also decided they no longer needed Boomer Grigsby. He has thus been effectively cockpunched, which sucks because I was really looking forward to seeing him decapitate some people. Instead, the Fins are replacing him with newly signed FB Casey Cramer. Cramer will likely be used in special teams, as the coaches told Grigsby that they intend on using more tight ends on offense instead of fullbacks. This move strikes me as a little odd. Grigsby had been playing well and even beat out Reagan Mauia for the FB job during the pre-season. Suddenly, the team decides to play musical chairs with its fullbacks? And they waive the one guy on our team who can plow holes into people's torsos? I'm not sure I like it.

But what do I know? My FinsNation league team got the shit kicked out of it this week, while in the Phinsider's league, my team kicked ass. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I'm right, and sometimes I'm wrong. Except for that one time I told DRK to stop hitting on the girl with the Adam's apple and goatee. That time I was definitely right.

-The DUDE

Donald Thomas May Be Out for the Season, and other Bat-To-The-Groin News

Not sure how reliable they are, but Scouts.com is reporting that rookie right guard Donald Thomas may be out for the rest of the season. Thomas injured his ankle in Sunday's game but played through the pain like the badass he is. However, on Monday, he was seen walking around in crutches. Motherfuck. The report also says the Fins are going to bring in free agent guard Evan Mathis for a try out. Mathis is a former lineman for the Panthers, whom offensive coordinator Dan Henning coached in Carolina (Dan Henning: the New Mike Mularkey!)

The Dolphins also decided they no longer needed Boomer Grigsby. He has thus been effectively cockpunched, which sucks because I was really looking forward to seeing him decapitate some people. Instead, the Fins are replacing him with newly signed FB Casey Cramer. Cramer will likely be used in special teams, as the coaches told Grigsby that they intend on using more tight ends on offense instead of fullbacks. This move strikes me as a little odd. Grigsby had been playing well and even beat out Reagan Mauia for the FB job during the pre-season. Suddenly, the team decides to play musical chairs with its fullbacks? And they waive the one guy on our team who can plow holes into people's torsos? I'm not sure I like it.

But what do I know? My FinsNation league team got the shit kicked out of it this week, while in the Phinsider's league, my team kicked ass. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I'm right, and sometimes I'm wrong. Except for that one time I told DRK to stop hitting on the girl with the Adam's apple and goatee. That time I was definitely right.

-The DUDE

Some Stuff From All Around

Ok.  We�re not gonna lie to you.  The reason for the late post:  We got nothin� today.  The Dude�s in a funk [Ed. Note: I have anal fissures] and I�m swamped at work so we�re giving you the best that we�ve got like Anita Baker. 

For your appetizer, a little something to get you stirred up and thinking about a solid work jerk, if you get get away from the desk for 5 minutes.  My advice?  If someone comes into the bathroom, pretend like you�re sitting down on the toilet.  We all know you can�t perform with some other dude in there.  That�s just gross.  Otherwise, have at it.  We won�t judge you [Ed. Note: Except you, Tom-Ass. God�s always looking at you!]  We know how uncontrollable that thing is.  Here are more pics of Keeley Hazell up there that are, how you say? NSFW: One.  Two.  Three. And Four [Ed. Note: Hey-Ohh!!]

And now... a few thoughts on the Fins: