Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Some Stuff From All Around

Ok.  We’re not gonna lie to you.  The reason for the late post:  We got nothin’ today.  The Dude’s in a funk [Ed. Note: I have anal fissures] and I’m swamped at work so we’re giving you the best that we’ve got like Anita Baker. 

For your appetizer, a little something to get you stirred up and thinking about a solid work jerk, if you get get away from the desk for 5 minutes.  My advice?  If someone comes into the bathroom, pretend like you’re sitting down on the toilet.  We all know you can’t perform with some other dude in there.  That’s just gross.  Otherwise, have at it.  We won’t judge you [Ed. Note: Except you, Tom-Ass. God’s always looking at you!]  We know how uncontrollable that thing is.  Here are more pics of Keeley Hazell up there that are, how you say? NSFW: One.  Two.  Three. And Four [Ed. Note: Hey-Ohh!!]

And now... a few thoughts on the Fins:

File Under: Not Surprising

 
From today's Peter King Monday Morning Quarterback:

I think I don't want to hear what great fans the Jets have. Not for a long time. That crowd Saturday night was a disgrace. At least half the stadium was empty for Favre's debut in a Jets' uniform. I expressed my amazement to a few fellow scribes Saturday night -- emphasizing that N.Y. traded for an all-time-great quarterback, not a broken-down one -- and they gave varying reasons for the poor turnout. Like it's the middle of vacation month for New Yorkers, and it's a preseason game. Horsefeathers. If you really love your team, and you have season tickets, you should have been at that game unless you were in Tibet. Ridiculous.

Come on, PK.  Has your Washington Monument sized boner for Brett Favre blinded you to the obvious, or is this really not something that is apparent to you?  Because it fucking should be, you Starbucks slurping, corpulent assdigger. Why would they be at the game when there are so many old ladies to punch, circle-jerk parties to attend,  and crystal meth to freebase at the local crackhouse???  A stadium full of security guards and policemen would be the last place these degenerate shitbags would want to be on a Saturday night.  There are way too many despondently depraved acts that can be committed during that 3 hour stretch.

Get with it, paunchy.  Living in Dirty Jerszzzz, you should know better.

-DRK

File Under: Not Surprising

 
From today's Peter King Monday Morning Quarterback:

I think I don't want to hear what great fans the Jets have. Not for a long time. That crowd Saturday night was a disgrace. At least half the stadium was empty for Favre's debut in a Jets' uniform. I expressed my amazement to a few fellow scribes Saturday night -- emphasizing that N.Y. traded for an all-time-great quarterback, not a broken-down one -- and they gave varying reasons for the poor turnout. Like it's the middle of vacation month for New Yorkers, and it's a preseason game. Horsefeathers. If you really love your team, and you have season tickets, you should have been at that game unless you were in Tibet. Ridiculous.

Come on, PK.  Has your Washington Monument sized boner for Brett Favre blinded you to the obvious, or is this really not something that is apparent to you?  Because it fucking should be, you Starbucks slurping, corpulent assdigger. Why would they be at the game when there are so many old ladies to punch, circle-jerk parties to attend,  and crystal meth to freebase at the local crackhouse???  A stadium full of security guards and policemen would be the last place these degenerate shitbags would want to be on a Saturday night.  There are way too many despondently depraved acts that can be committed during that 3 hour stretch.

Get with it, paunchy.  Living in Dirty Jerszzzz, you should know better.

-DRK

Toast McGee is Gone. Long Live Toast McGee!

Sad news to report, Nation. The Dolphins have released safety Cameron Worrell. That's right. Worrell -- aka Toast McGee, aka Randy Moss' Personal Flameboy! -- is no longer a Dolphin. Miami also waived seven other players, including quarterback Casey Bramlet, linebacker Marcello Church, safety Tuff Harris, cornerback Jereme Perry, linebacker Mark Washington and receivers Kerry Reed and Chandler Williams. All people I never knew existed until this very moment. It appears Parcells is making room for this weekend's Draftpocalypse Now!

So, we pay one more visit to the Toast McGee tribute page. Try to keep it together.

Toast McGee is Gone. Long Live Toast McGee!

Sad news to report, Nation. The Dolphins have released safety Cameron Worrell. That's right. Worrell -- aka Toast McGee, aka Randy Moss' Personal Flameboy! -- is no longer a Dolphin. Miami also waived seven other players, including quarterback Casey Bramlet, linebacker Marcello Church, safety Tuff Harris, cornerback Jereme Perry, linebacker Mark Washington and receivers Kerry Reed and Chandler Williams. All people I never knew existed until this very moment. It appears Parcells is making room for this weekend's Draftpocalypse Now!

So, we pay one more visit to the Toast McGee tribute page. Try to keep it together.

Link Dump

Because nothing makes the day go by faster than a good dump:

• Barry Jackson has some good stuff on NFL prospects the Fins are looking at beyond the first round

• JT has made the FInal 8 on Dancing With the Stars. Oh it's on now, Krisi Yamaguchi!

• The vastly underrated Omar Kelly talks Ted Ginn and asks is he's a true No. 1 WR

• Armando Salguero says the Fins are going to go heavy on linebackers. Even more so than they already have.

• Hey look, Steeley McBeam got arrested for DUI!

• NFL Network dudes discuss Miami's first pick. Mike Mayock says it'll be Jake Long.

• ESPN's Todd McShay also has Miami taking Jake Long.

Link Dump

Because nothing makes the day go by faster than a good dump:

• Barry Jackson has some good stuff on NFL prospects the Fins are looking at beyond the first round

• JT has made the FInal 8 on Dancing With the Stars. Oh it's on now, Krisi Yamaguchi!

• The vastly underrated Omar Kelly talks Ted Ginn and asks is he's a true No. 1 WR

• Armando Salguero says the Fins are going to go heavy on linebackers. Even more so than they already have.

• Hey look, Steeley McBeam got arrested for DUI!

• NFL Network dudes discuss Miami's first pick. Mike Mayock says it'll be Jake Long.

• ESPN's Todd McShay also has Miami taking Jake Long.

The Dolphins Done Some Good

For the past decade or so, our Dolphins have managed to excel at the art of sucking ass. And not hot ass either. I'm talking rain forest baboon ass.

So, as a result, most posts on this here blog mainly contain Dolphins news along with a few dick jokes. It numbs the pain.

But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this:

"Dolphins tackle Vernon Carey, ex-Dolphins fullback Rob Konrad... were the big-name winning bidders in the annual Make-A-Wish Ultimate Sports Auction on Tuesday night at the Broward County Convention Center... [the event] drew several prominent athletes, including Dolphins quarterback John Beck...The event raised $240,000 to grant wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions. About 600 people attended the event, which was emceed by NBC and HBO sportscaster Bob Costas."

All the money raised at the event went to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is very kick ass.

So it's a slow day for the Fins, news-wise. But Carey and Beck did their part to help kids with life-threatening medical conditions. And that, my friends, is a whole other level of baddasery.

Meanwhile, I held my own private auction. The winner? The lady in this video. The prize? My heart.

(Thanks to reader Nate for the video. And for having time in his day to find such videos and then for some reason sending them to me.)

The Dolphins Done Some Good

For the past decade or so, our Dolphins have managed to excel at the art of sucking ass. And not hot ass either. I'm talking rain forest baboon ass.

So, as a result, most posts on this here blog mainly contain Dolphins news along with a few dick jokes. It numbs the pain.

But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this:

"Dolphins tackle Vernon Carey, ex-Dolphins fullback Rob Konrad... were the big-name winning bidders in the annual Make-A-Wish Ultimate Sports Auction on Tuesday night at the Broward County Convention Center... [the event] drew several prominent athletes, including Dolphins quarterback John Beck...The event raised $240,000 to grant wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions. About 600 people attended the event, which was emceed by NBC and HBO sportscaster Bob Costas."

All the money raised at the event went to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is very kick ass.

So it's a slow day for the Fins, news-wise. But Carey and Beck did their part to help kids with life-threatening medical conditions. And that, my friends, is a whole other level of baddasery.

Meanwhile, I held my own private auction. The winner? The lady in this video. The prize? My heart.

(Thanks to reader Nate for the video. And for having time in his day to find such videos and then for some reason sending them to me.)

Jason Taylor What? Excuse Me While I Blow My Brains Out.

 

Apparently, Jason Taylor is on some sort of quest to out-gayify Brady Quinn. Because he just officially announced he�s going to be on Dancing With the Stars. In a related story, I'm officially announcing that my soul has been crushed.

"Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor will be the first active NFL player to compete on the popular ABC program. Two NFL legends have competed in previous seasons: Emmitt Smith won after Jerry Rice finished third. The announcement was made Monday, during ABC's "Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann."

Also competing: actress Marlee Matlin, magician Penn Jillette, figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, tennis player Monica Seles, R&B singer Mario, comedian Adam Carolla and actor Steve Guttenberg."

My immediate reaction to this news was, �Steve Guttenberg is still alive?� My second reaction to this news was, �What the hell, Jason Taylor?"

Christ. Just when I thought being the most embarrassing franchise in the NFL was relegated to 1-15 and the constant "Why'd you guys trade away Wes Welker?" questions, we manage to suck a little more out of the Shame Pipe with this shit. You realize our days of calling Tom Brady fruity are over, right?

Dancing has got to be the stupidest fucking thing ever invented. I mean, really. What is it? Gyrating your body, flailing your arms, kicking your feet and making stupid faces while shitty music blasts on the radio? Yea, that sounds like a hoot. Add all the sweaty people and the collective ass & pit smells and you can�t pay me to get off the dance floor! Woo! And what�s even more fun than dancing? Watching other people dancing!

God this sucks. I suppose I�m just going to have to deal with it. That�s all. It�s not so bad. I mean, it�s just dancing. It�s not like he�s doing gay porn or anything. And I guess you can say that I have great dance moves myself. Sure, some might say that I look like I�m being chased by a bee. But I call it getting jiggy with it. So it�s all good.

Anyway, my week is totally ruined. And there is no God.