Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

The Dolphins Supposed #1 Target is Mike Wallace

 

Reports (specifically from everyone's favorite homophobe/biblical quoter/target of racially-tinged police I-595 tailgating, Omar Kelly) are beginning to surface that the #1 target for Rosencrantz and Gildenstern over there is Steelers WR Mike Wallace.  The good news:  Wallace is one of the fastest players in the league and is a proven touchdown machine that can spread the defense.  Finally, a real deep threat for the Dolphins - something that's been missing since Irving Fucking Fryar used to play for us.  Bad news:  Homeboy wants upwards of $60 mil, which will severely deplete our FA money bin on a dude that many think is not worth that kinda coin (like, say, a Vincent Jackson).

Still, it's moderately intriguing despite being VERY early in the offseason and maybe a sign that the FO wants to finally invest in some playmakers to inspire an offense that mostly looks like a bundle of 60 year old dicks on Sundays. 

Our take on what will happen?  Ireland will do a 720 flip, land in a split with double middle fingers out and a big ole' ginger smile.  "NO WAY, JOSE!" he'll say.  Then he'll shit his pants full of Indian food and Ross will give him a 30-year contract extension.

Fuck this team.

P.S. We miss you guys.

Jeff Ireland Spoke on Tuesday, Said Stuff

 

At this point, reading anything he says is like going back in time and watching Hitler speak at the Berlin Sports Palace.

Have a good weekend.

Time To Switch Up The Scenery Around Here

This is Carrie Keagan.  She is a blonde with blue eyes, very big boobs and she loves whisky.

Enjoy your Wednesday, folks.

Fuck Jeff Ireland and Steve Ross with 10 dead boa constrictors.

A #Fireland Update

But, first, good God this guy is a moron.  Seriously a tattoo of your wife wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey???  Are you fucking kidding me?  These guys deserve every single bad thing that happens to them.  Disgusting idiot fanbase...

Anyway, back to our own fucked up franchise and the crusade that's been undertaken by Tom Ass and all the contributors.

After the jump are a couple of screen grabs from the current issue of the Miami New Times featuring Tom Ass' #Fireland design.  Here's the link that takes you right to it. 

As you can see, it's on Page 6 and I believe it will run for the next few issues.  Great work by Tom Ass, and Jarrod (aka @dolfan565) on the great design and idea.  The Dude and I had nothing to do with this effort but, man, every little bit helps in the fight against the Ginger Honeybadger.  It's clear Ross has chosen him as the person that will command about $40mil in cap space and 5 picks in the Top 100 - shit that will influence our team for the next 3-5 years depending on what deals are made - and the least we can do is express our anger towards that COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE AND UNSOUND IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY JUDGMENT CALL BASED ON HIS HISTORY AS A SHITTY PERSON AND EVEN SHITTIER PERSONNEL EVALUATOR.

Screen grabs after the jump

Time To Have Your Voices Heard, People #Fireland

Okay, this is this year's banner, folks.

FinsNation is fully endorsing star commenter Tom Ass' venture to annoy the shit out of Jeff Ireland and do the best we can - given the fact we're basically powerless against this asshole - to make our voices heard. 

We urge you to check out the site for yourself, but in a nutshell:  Ireland sucks and Tom has come up with a means of having a mobile ad unit drive around the stadium essentially all day for about the same price we paid for the banner expressing the fact that Ireland is a disgusting turd of a talent evaluator.  Dude needs to go.  We thought of a million things we could do at the end of this season to follow in the tradition of the banner (*sigh 200 chickens idea sigh*) and Tom was motivated, determined as fuck and came up with this.  The ads are - in all honesty - pretty fuckin' rad looking and express much of the sentiment we've all been feeling for YEARS now. 

As with the banner, hopefully we'll get some mainstream media attention to go along with the actual venture.  The louder we are, the more we demand that our voices be heard as paying fans, the more we say 'WE'RE MAD AS HELL AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE' maybe - just maybe - we can finally get some fucking real change around here.  I, for one, am SICK of this shit.  I'm tired of being sub-mediocre for years now. 

Again, Tom explains it so much more eloquently so we urge you to take a look at it and donate what you can.  We realize these are lean times so even $5 helps.  If you remember last year, we raised the $1500 for the banner in about 3 hours flat.  I'm sure this won't take very long either.

Finally, any additional funding that goes over the amount Tom needs for the ads will either go to the Dan Marino Foundation or maybe another organization that helps get prostitutes off our streets.  Because, WHORES, right?  We may be assholes but we're assholes with HEART.

Fuck Jeff Ireland.  Go Dolphins.

One last time:  click here to see the site.

Hey, Look At That! ANOTHER Losing Season

Frankly, there's not a ton of new things to say about this team lately and the situation is fucking depressing. 

We are in a 'Groundhog's Day' of elephant shit when it comes to this team and it's always the fucking same.  It's incredibly tiresome and tremendously BORING, above all else.  I noticed there was a degree of frustration in the comments for the last post that's been up for a zillion weeks or whatever.  No need to get nasty, people.  We are all frustrated.  We've done this blog for 6 straight years now.  So excuse us if we're not posting as much as we'd like to; there's a myriad of factors that go into that and it's difficult to explain.  Honestly, we shouldn't have to. 

We appreciate the fact y'all want to hear from us more because we've tried to be some kind of beacon of truth and light amidst the nearly generational tenure of this shit-fog we've been aimlessly floating around in (i.e. being a Dolphins fan).  That's nice and we enjoy this platform tremendously.

But it's ANOTHER losing season, ANOTHER crop of terrible draft picks, ANOTHER useless free agent class, ANOTHER bevy of coaching mistakes in-game, and ANOTHER season of top-to-bottom ineptitude.  So, what can we say that hasn't already been said?  We organized a plane to fly around the stadium for 2 hours to say what we'd all been saying for YEARS (plural).  So, you know, we care.

Fuck this team for taking valuable years off our lifespan.

The New York Jets Are GARBAGE!

 

Deadspin posted this video just a bit ago and, yea, they totally are garbage, you guys!!  We are 1000% in agreement!!!  Aww man, now I'm wishing I would have gone to this game just to witness this.  Can you imagine what an awesome Thanksgiving that would have been?  I would have literally shit my pants with enjoyment.  I've watched this about 5 times already and it gets better and better and better!  

It's like the Kate Upton 'dougie' video of Jets on Jets crime!!!

Happy Titsgiving!

This is Amanda Cerny.  She figured you had just about enough of ole' Crazy Sicko Philbin scaring the bejesus outta you guys.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone.  And maybe - just maybe - if we all pray really, really hard tomorrow, Jeff Ireland will self-combust into a fireball of assholedom.  Then we'd truly have something to be thankful for.

Enjoy the holiday and stay safe. 

Joe Philbin Has A Message On The Eve of The Bills Game

Audio NSFW.  At all.

 

Memo (2)

 

 

Dolphins - Titans Recapsssssssssss!

Sorry we been dogging it around here lately given our day jobs, new writing gigs and everything else but we promise we'll be back soon with more giddy, dick-jokey goodness.  Honestly, without getting into too much personal shit, we've got a lot of crap going on and have been since the summer and we hate that this place resembles an Old West town with some tumbleweed rolling through it.

So please bear with us.  We'll get it crankin' soon enough.  We love this place and you guys very much.

In the mean time, recaps here and here.

Tetas