Well, here we go with Jets week. Fuckin' troglodytic, shitty assed, shitty fuckfaces that they are. Fuck you, you fucking fuckers. Oh, how I loooooaaaathe them.
Living here in New York City for the last 8 years or so, you see a lot of these knuckledraggers all over the place. I saw a dude just this week wearing a Jets hat along with a Jets GOLD CHAIN standing in the middle of the central hall of Grand Central on my way to work. Said gold chain was designed like the logo and everything. I think I speak for everyone here when I say it takes a special kind of fucking dickhead (read: average Jets fan) to purchase a gold chain with the logo of your team. I barely raised an eyebrow because that's just average Jets fan behavior.
Keys:
- Fuck you Tebow, fuck you Sparano, fuck you Rex Ryan, fuck you Mark Sanchez, fuck you Bart Scott...DEAR FUCKING GOD WHAT A LITANY OF ANNOYING, USELESS ASSHOLES ON ONE TEAM!
- Do NOT let that fucking dick-slicer, Timmy Tebow, do that fucking thing where he lays around being incredibly shitty and ineffective for 3 quarters then he suddenly turns into Y.A. Fucking Tittle. NO.
- Revis is playing so I wouldn't be starting Le Suisse in fantasy if I were you.
- As CK not-so-gently alluded to in the previous post, this team's strength is in the backfield so, you know, run Reggie and Lamar fucking RAGGED and keep RT17's pass attempts down in the 20-25 region. (I left that other shitty RB on our team out on purpose, natch)
- Mark Sanchez - that old vagina sniffing Mexican - looooooves to throw interceptions. Can we please try and catch them when they inevitably come at us (*cough Sean Smith cough*)? Also: Hey, Gonzalez-Lopez-Obrador-MexicanName...it's the other way around, buddy! You're an NFL QB. You're suppposed to get YOUNGER trim. Ya stupid.
I hate this team. I wish the power of the September 1pm heat and rays to inflict FULL FURY upon the New Jersey Assholes and their shitty fans. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
In an effort to keep things fresh around these parts, we thought of this NEW AND EXCITING feature here at FN where resident beer holster owner / draft guru / chicken wing fan / overall 5-star FN commenter, CK Parrot, will break down each week's game via the NFL's recent rule change regarding 'All-22' film action. Warning: if you haven't gotten your coffee and breakfast yet, you might want to do that now so you can just sit back, read and enjoy. THIS WEEK IS EVEN MUTHAFUCKIN' LONGER, BITCHES! Take it away, CK!
Continue reading "CK Parrot's Weekly All-22 Breakdown - Raiders @ Dolphins" »
This is Francesca Frigo. This is your Victory Monday post.
It's Jets week so fuck the Jets.
Recaps by The Glimmer Twins here and here. Bang it there and comment on those and The Dude will do his Obama impression for you.
LaMontelle Pussyhammer done dug deeeeep in that Raider pussy, din't he? He built himself a home in there and has a Batcave down below.
I was mindlessly watching Conan the other night when Lake Bell came on and there's few things as wonderfully splendiforous for a man than seeing some skinny gal with huge boobs come on the scene. It's always, like, 'Holy shit! She's so thin but her boobs are fantastic! I had no idea!' Surprise boobs are the best boobs.
