Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Weekender: Draft Day Weekend Is The T*ts!

Hope  you're stocked up on plenty of deodorant, chips, meat and booze, Nation. Because it's that time of year again! Draft Day Weekend. Remember the draft gets kicked off a little later this year (4:00 PM EST) but the picks go by faster.

FN will of course be live-blogging the first round and then updating shit thereafter. I would live-blog the whole thing but I eventually need to shower and shave because I don't like going around smelling like ass. So come by at 4:00 and say hello.

Also, this just in.... FN has joined the revolution and is now on Twitter. So join in and visit FN on Twitter and follow us and be a part of the downfall of Western civilization. It's good clean fun!

As for this week's Weekender Girl: You asked for tits, you got it! It's Lucy Pinder (larger pic here) and the sheer awesomeness that are her breasts. The first line in her Wikipedia entry is Pulitzer Prize material. Also, do yourself a favor and Google her when you get a chance. I Googled the shit out of her this afternoon and had a cigarette afterward. I think I'm in love. You may not think it's possible to fall in love with a nipple, but I will fight you in my front yard until you see it my way.  

Have a great weekend, Nation. Enjoy the draft and be sure to stop by during the live-blog. Definitely come by and give your thoughts on the Fins' pick.

And, as ever.... LET'S GO FINS!!!! LET'S GO COCKPUNCHAHHHH!!!!

Weekender: One More Week

One more week, Nation. One more week until we rock our socks off and get this draft thing going. Also, looks like DRK will be Twittering from the proceedings as it happens. We'll be re-capping meaningless mock drafts and scouting reports all next week... and anything else The Gangsta can uncover. As well as Captain Teabagger. It's sure to be an interesting week.

This week's Weekender Girl is Julie Henderson. Here she is in another pose. Here she is hanging her laundry. And here she is crushing your dreams. At this point, I think it's easier to break the theory of Goldbach's Conjecture than it is to figure out why life is so fucking unfair. Also, get that chick some paint thinner! It's inhuman to cover tits with paint like that. I'm no scientist but I'm sure that when the skin can't breathe, it dies. Hey, I'm just one man looking to save a couple of nipples is all. Save the nipples, save the children is my motto.

Have a great weekend, Nation.

Weekender: Good Friday

What's this? Marisa and Petra in an ass-off? Well I tell you, good sir, yes. Yes it is. I'm afraid I might spend the entire holiday weekend staring at my computer screen because it's impossible to decide. Although Marisa does know how to score points by undoing her top. That works for me in just about any setting, really. At the super market, at a family picnic, on an airplane, at a funeral, at a wedding, at a birth, at a restaurant, in a library, in a taxi, on a bus, at the dentist, in an elevator, at work, at a baseball game, at my nephew's baptism, while I'm jogging, while I'm walking my dog, while I'm getting the newspaper, while I'm doing Sudoku, while I'm watching the evening news, while I'm washing my cat, while I'm shaving.... you get the gist, ladies. You want to be a winner in my book? Take your top off. I'm tough but I'm fair.

Have a great weekend, Nation. Happy Easter to you all. Happy Passover to our Jewish friends. And Viva Zapata! to all our Mexican brothers and sisters!!

Weekender: A Week Filled With Some Petra

Once again, my thanks to Petra and her amazing thong for showing me the way. Here's another picture of her all gussied up in an outstanding little number  (can a brother get a gust of wind up in here??!!). And here's a giant picture of her ass. And here she is with James Blunt. I think I'm going to take guitar lessons and start singing like a Muppet too. If that's what it takes, man!!

Have a great weekend, Nation. Oh and the Giants have released Plaxico Burress. Anyone interested? I'd LOVE to have that guy down here. Except he might be in jail by the start of the season and that could pose a bit of a problem. Why must there always be something??!!

Weekender: No More Slow Weeks Please

Except for that dumb ass Marilyn Monroe face tattoo on her arm, Megan Fox is absolute sheer perfection. Cut off jean shorts, a white tank top and flip flops are the epitome of white trash and would make my penis shrivel back into itself like a frightened turtle if I ever I saw any other woman approaching me dressed like this. And, yet, when I see Megan dressed like this, it has the complete opposite effect: the crotch of my pants burst angrily at the seams like a scene out of one of those old Incredible Hulk episodes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think Megan Fox is the real life Dr. Doom or something because she's obviously out to take over the world with those shorts. And only one thing can stop her. Everybody run for cover! My penis and I will handle this! Save yourselves!

Thanks to FN reader Simon for e-mailing in this pic to me. May you ask your wife what's for dinner and have her answer "Why, me and my hot best friend! That's what" Because you, Simon, are obviously a good man who thinks of others and selflessly shares his great discoveries and deserves nothing but happiness and good fortune in life. Have a great weekend, Nation. And, oh yea, the ShamWow guy got arrested in Miami Beach for beating up a hooker. I love this town!

Weekender: Off To See Louis CK

Checking out early today, Nation. I'm hitting the road and heading up to Orlando to go see and worship at the altar of FN hero, Louis CK. He has a show tonight at the Hard Rock. I caught him when he came to Miami last year, and was lucky enough to meet him afterwards. We took a picture but because you can't see our faces, because my phone's camera is shit, it just looks like two assholes at a bar. But he did autograph a cocktail napkin for me. And we had a brief conversation that went something like this:

Me: Hey.
Louis: Hey! Did you enjoy the show?
Me: Duh...duh...der...der...der....der...duh...duh....duh... DUH!!

The end.

Anyway, as per the Weekender girls: You might be sitting there saying, "I see cheerleaders but they're fully clothed. What the fuck?!" Sure, this picture might mean nothing to you. But it does to me because I fucking love Louis CK (top row, 3rd on right) and I love the Dolphins and I love tits and all that shit comes together in this picture which is pretty fucking fantastic. So stop being a faggot about it. I'm assuming you're being a faggot about it. Sorry if you're not. But if you are, stop. Anyway, for those of you who care, here is Louis' account of his visit with the troops in Iraq with the Dolphins Cheerleaders. There's a part where he recounts how he introduced himself as a Miami Dolphin Cheerleader to everybody. Or don't read it. I don't care. Faggot.

Have a great weekend!

Ok, fine. Here.

Weekender: Lima Time

This week's Weekender girl is Adriana Lima. I had mentioned her earlier this week here. And wouldn't you know it, she's in the news today. Well, her cockbag husband is. He was accused of sexual assault. Why would a gorgeous titted, possesor of a perfectly rounded ass woman like Adriana marry a middling NBA player who isn't satisfied loving her every day of her life and has to force himself on some other woman? Because God hates me, that's why.

The charges were apparently dropped. But I'm not convinced. It's time to slip into my super hero costume and investigate this further as the Masked Dude (it's a costume essentially made up of an old shirt with holes over my eyes, sweatpants, a towel for a cape and dish washing gloves. I'm a badass). Me and my trusty sidekick will get to the bottom of this! Are you ready, chum? Good. Let's do this! Hi-ho-penis! Away!!!!

Thanks for your patience today, Nation. The comments have been fixed as has been the ability for all to log in. Have a great weekend!

Weekender: 50 Days

It was quite a week. We said goodbye to Vonnie Holliday and hello to the Brawny paper towel guy. We also did some draft talk (however, discovering earlier today that Armando Salguero also has a mancrush on Hakim Nicks is making me question everything I believe in). Which reminds me, look for my first of probably two Dolphins mock drafts sometime next week.

For now, here's a great little piece about Gibril Wilson's large balls play against the run in 2008. I'm liking this signing more and more.

Also, Vanity Fair has an interview with FN hero Louis C.K. It's a great read and I'm glad to see such a mainstream media outlet finally giving the funniest man alive some damn recognition. Do yourself a favor and read it.

Have a great weekend, Nation. Only 50 days til the draft!

This week's Weekender girl is Esti Ginzburg. She's another SI swimsuit model (her full 2009 gallery here) I love how, at first glance of this particular photo, you're not quite sure if she's wearing a bikini bottom or if that's just a thong with no front. So you're forced to look closer and examine the evidence. The light maple and yellow hues add to the mystery. And her golden supple skin blends beautifully against the white linen sheets and the trace of morning sunlight bathing across her body. It's just a wonderful little odyssey trying to decipher the magical enchantment that is that bikini bottom. I guess what I'm trying to say is that vaginas are the greatest invention of all time.

Weekender: The I hit the Refresh button a million times today and all I got was this lousy Berger edition

Well that was a bit deflating. Spoiled by last year's free agent frenzy free for all when Parcells and Ireland signed guys left and right, we came into today feeling all giddy with wide eyes and rock hard nipples. But, instead of the Trifecta signing guys willy-nilly, they brought in a little known third string offensive lineman from Dallas and signed him to a three-year contract.

And that'll do for today.

This doesn't mean Parcells is done. Or does it? Who the hell knows. We do know that Lavernaues Coles was reportedly in house, so they at least kicked the tires on the ex-Jet. We also know that the Broncos signed away Renaldo Hill. Could this open the door to someone like Leigh Bodden? Or maybe even my personal choice Bryant McFadden? We'll wait and see. One thing is for sure: Parcells & Ireland have a clear path to building this thing. Their philosophy is right player, right price. And then do the rest via the draft. It's not sexy. But it's what dynasties are made of.

Keep it here throughout the weekend. When/if something breaks, we'll be sure to post it. Late word is the Rams have offered Jason Brown a contract but he doesn't want to play there. So keep that in mind. Another thing to keep in mind, we have a naked picture of Megan Fox courtesy of commenter BSITH. So even though we came away with very little, and while all the other Dolphins bloggers' comment boards are filled with sad disappointed Dolphins fans, you FN, at the very least, came away with wonderful nipples to stare at over and over again. We provide a service here at FN. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Eagles MVN blogger John Denver looking motherfucker.

Have a great weekend, Nation.

Weekender: Jag Version

That's it for us for this week, Nation. The week started off slow but ended up with the Fins re-upping with Vernon Carey. The deal is worth $42 million for six seasons -- which is not bad at all, given the market for tackles. We get to keep a versatile offensive lineman and Carey gets to stay with the team he grew up cheering for. And we don't overpay. Sweet indeed.

This week's Weekender girl is Catherine Bell from the tv show JAG. Why would we post a pic of a chick from a television show from the 90's you ask? Well, DRK suggested her and so I asked why her. His response:

JAG was on the other morning as I was getting ready and I got a tremendo tronkosonko from watching her.

Done. There's just no rebuttal for the "tronkosonko" argument. It's an open and shut case. Another important factor is that she has a great ass, so there's that. And here, look at her cleavage why don't you? 

Bell's Wikipedia entry tells us she's a Scientologist. Which means she believes that an intergalactic warlord threw a bunch of aliens into a volcano thousands of years ago and now the ghosts of those aliens are clinging to our bodies and making us sick. It's funny how when Tom Cruise says it, he looks like a raging lunatic and I just want to instinctively punch him in the throat and kick him in the balls over and over and over again until he chokes on his own vomit and blacks out, but when Catherine says it, it all makes perfect sense and I want to go purchase myself a copy of Dianetics. Oh tits, your powers of persuasiveness never cease to amaze me!

Have a great weekend, Nation!