Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

A Special FinsNation Crappiversary Wish from The Lizard King

And finally....

/Doppler Effect of approaching singing in the distance.....

Well, I’m the Crawlin’ King Snake
And I rule my den

I’m the Craaaaawwwlin’ King Snake
And I ruuuule my den

You don’t mess now with my mate
Gonna use her
For mysssseeeelllffff

Oh!� Hi there!� I’m Jim Morrison, lead singer of weirdo 60s rock group, The Doors.� People know I’m into rebellion, experimental theatre and poetry, Dyonisian excess and other forms of experimentation and artistic expression. But few people know that I’m a huge Dolphins fan.� See, being born in Melbourne and all, I didn’t have any professional football teams to root for from the State of Florida prior to 1966.� Then the Dolphins came along and I became a diehard fan despite that whole little incident at the Dinner Key in ’69.

Anyway, we have really excellent internet access up here in Heaven and FinsNation is my absolute favorite site.� I know these guys are huge fans of mine but what they don’t know is how much I love them and work my invisible hands on their everyday lives.� In fact, I’m gonna make sure that DRK gets his hands all over a lovely 22 year old blonde he’s been dying to hit up for some time now.� The way that little tease catches a football on the beach and runs away from him into the water … well, she’s gonna get it this weekend.� That’s the way Nico and I did it in the elevator back in the 60s and I want to make sure my brother has an ABSOLUTE blast with the ladies.� The guy needs it; he’s going to be shelling out about $1700 2008 US Dollars of rent for a crappy space in Brooklyn real soon that he won’t be able to get out of until fucking February.� As for the DUDE, have you seen the FOX I set him up with???

A Special FinsNation Crappiversary Wish from The Lizard King

And finally....

/Doppler Effect of approaching singing in the distance.....

Well, I’m the Crawlin’ King Snake
And I rule my den

I’m the Craaaaawwwlin’ King Snake
And I ruuuule my den

You don’t mess now with my mate
Gonna use her
For mysssseeeelllffff

Oh!? Hi there!? I’m Jim Morrison, lead singer of weirdo 60s rock group, The Doors.? People know I’m into rebellion, experimental theatre and poetry, Dyonisian excess and other forms of experimentation and artistic expression. But few people know that I’m a huge Dolphins fan.? See, being born in Melbourne and all, I didn’t have any professional football teams to root for from the State of Florida prior to 1966.? Then the Dolphins came along and I became a diehard fan despite that whole little incident at the Dinner Key in ’69.

Anyway, we have really excellent internet access up here in Heaven and FinsNation is my absolute favorite site.? I know these guys are huge fans of mine but what they don’t know is how much I love them and work my invisible hands on their everyday lives.? In fact, I’m gonna make sure that DRK gets his hands all over a lovely 22 year old blonde he’s been dying to hit up for some time now.? The way that little tease catches a football on the beach and runs away from him into the water … well, she’s gonna get it this weekend.? That’s the way Nico and I did it in the elevator back in the 60s and I want to make sure my brother has an ABSOLUTE blast with the ladies.? The guy needs it; he’s going to be shelling out about $1700 2008 US Dollars of rent for a crappy space in Brooklyn real soon that he won’t be able to get out of until fucking February.? As for the DUDE, have you seen the FOX I set him up with???

Let’s Get FinsNation Drunk on Her Birthday

Oh, Nation.  I remember when you were so young and innocent.  Everything was so fresh and new then, wasn’t it?  Remember how we clumsily spliced humor, Dolphins news and profound insight all into one?  Remember how much it hurt that first time? You’d hardly been "visited."  You had very few "views."  You only had one "contributor."

Now look at you. 

You’re taking on two "contributors" at once, your "server" is getting larger and you’re even adhering to our very strict grooming policy (keep it nice and tight).  We "post" on you several times a day and that’s not even counting all the commenters having their way with you. It just gets better and better every time.  Every day feels like that time I hid a Playboy near the parking lot of my apartment in Westchester when I was 14.  Every day – always looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching - I would swing by to visit you and take a peek on my way to pick up some hot, soft Cuban bread.  You’re such a delicious, fucking slut.  I hope we’re together for years to come….

…until the DUDE blows a shotgun blast through his computer monitor and I hang myself from the ceiling of a room at the Jamaica Motel on 8th Street.

Until then, let’s make love every day – even if we get bored of each other. Now let's celebrate (sorta NSFW)!

Happy Birthday, Finsnation!!!   I’m thrilled to be a part of this here thang and I want to thank all the commenters and readers for your continued support.  You’re the folks that make this bird sing and you guys crack us up on a daily basis.  Without you all, it’s just a two man wack-a-thon. And neither of us is interested in that.  Probably.  Depending on if there’s tequila. 

Go Dolphins!!!

-DRK

Let’s Get FinsNation Drunk on Her Birthday

Oh, Nation.  I remember when you were so young and innocent.  Everything was so fresh and new then, wasn’t it?  Remember how we clumsily spliced humor, Dolphins news and profound insight all into one?  Remember how much it hurt that first time? You’d hardly been "visited."  You had very few "views."  You only had one "contributor."

Now look at you. 

You’re taking on two "contributors" at once, your "server" is getting larger and you’re even adhering to our very strict grooming policy (keep it nice and tight).  We "post" on you several times a day and that’s not even counting all the commenters having their way with you. It just gets better and better every time.  Every day feels like that time I hid a Playboy near the parking lot of my apartment in Westchester when I was 14.  Every day – always looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching - I would swing by to visit you and take a peek on my way to pick up some hot, soft Cuban bread.  You’re such a delicious, fucking slut.  I hope we’re together for years to come….

…until the DUDE blows a shotgun blast through his computer monitor and I hang myself from the ceiling of a room at the Jamaica Motel on 8th Street.

Until then, let’s make love every day – even if we get bored of each other. Now let's celebrate (sorta NSFW)!

Happy Birthday, Finsnation!!!   I’m thrilled to be a part of this here thang and I want to thank all the commenters and readers for your continued support.  You’re the folks that make this bird sing and you guys crack us up on a daily basis.  Without you all, it’s just a two man wack-a-thon. And neither of us is interested in that.  Probably.  Depending on if there’s tequila. 

Go Dolphins!!!

-DRK

Cam Cameron and His Penis Would Like to Wish FN a Happy Crappiversary

Hi there Fins Nation.

Come on, tell them.

Ahem. Hi there Fins Nation. I just wanted to...

Come on! Tell them!

I'm trying to.

Well, get on with it, twat-face!

Cam Cameron and His Penis Would Like to Wish FN a Happy Crappiversary

Hi there Fins Nation.

Come on, tell them.

Ahem. Hi there Fins Nation. I just wanted to...

Come on! Tell them!

I'm trying to.

Well, get on with it, twat-face!

JT: "Happy Crappiversary, FN! Also, I'm g*y now!"

Ooooooooh, I looooooove birthdays!!!  I can’t wait to have a Mai-Tai and some chocolate covered strrawberrieeess!!!!

That’s how men celebrate, right?

/licks lips

Anyway, happy birthday, FinsNation!!!  You dirty little tease.  YOU SKANK.

/giggles then lands a limp-wristed slap at you

You’re getting too old for me!!!  I only date YOUNGER sitesssss. 

/laughs like Rupaul

OH. MY. GOD.  Did you see me at the Hall of Fame Game???  Have you seen my arms since I was on Dancing With The Starrthzzzzz???  I feel so sssexy. 

/rubs both naked biceps with opposite hands

Well, DUDE, if you want me to give you a little striptease later in honor of the birthday of your site thingy, call me ok???  I'll even bring a very special friend and we can have a three-boy private party!!! Oohhh! I can't wait!!!

Don’t get all jealous because I’m a HOT Indian warrior now.  I’m burning with rage and desire and I’m all out for blood.  LOOK AT ME!!!

AYE, PAPI!!!

/giggles like your first girlfriend

-DRK

JT: "Happy Crappiversary, FN! Also, I'm g*y now!"

Ooooooooh, I looooooove birthdays!!!  I can’t wait to have a Mai-Tai and some chocolate covered strrawberrieeess!!!!

That’s how men celebrate, right?

/licks lips

Anyway, happy birthday, FinsNation!!!  You dirty little tease.  YOU SKANK.

/giggles then lands a limp-wristed slap at you

You’re getting too old for me!!!  I only date YOUNGER sitesssss. 

/laughs like Rupaul

OH. MY. GOD.  Did you see me at the Hall of Fame Game???  Have you seen my arms since I was on Dancing With The Starrthzzzzz???  I feel so sssexy. 

/rubs both naked biceps with opposite hands

Well, DUDE, if you want me to give you a little striptease later in honor of the birthday of your site thingy, call me ok???  I'll even bring a very special friend and we can have a three-boy private party!!! Oohhh! I can't wait!!!

Don’t get all jealous because I’m a HOT Indian warrior now.  I’m burning with rage and desire and I’m all out for blood.  LOOK AT ME!!!

AYE, PAPI!!!

/giggles like your first girlfriend

-DRK

Tony Sparano Reluctantly Wishes FN a Happy Crappiversary

When I first heard somebody was making fun of my 'uge calves, k, I was like "Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little contrarian shit on de intergoogles who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Well dats just out-fucking-standing." Den I took out my frustrations on the players and ran dem til they all fucking died. Don't piss me off, k. Because at the end of the day, I'll run my players til their assholes are sucking buttermilk.

So needless to say, k, when I find dis "Dude," I'm gonna gouge out his eyeballs and skull fuck him til the sun comes up, k.

Ya hear me, Dude? Mr. Fucking Comedian? You think yer so funny and clever, do ya? Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! Dats what I think, k. At the end of the day.

I'll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. So me and my 'uge calves would like you to have a five dollar foot-long dick sub, on us.

Oh, and happy anniversary and all that shit, you twinkle-toed cocksucker, k.

At the end of the day.

Tony Sparano Reluctantly Wishes FN a Happy Crappiversary

When I first heard somebody was making fun of my 'uge calves, k, I was like "Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little contrarian shit on de intergoogles who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Well dats just out-fucking-standing." Den I took out my frustrations on the players and ran dem til they all fucking died. Don't piss me off, k. Because at the end of the day, I'll run my players til their assholes are sucking buttermilk.

So needless to say, k, when I find dis "Dude," I'm gonna gouge out his eyeballs and skull fuck him til the sun comes up, k.

Ya hear me, Dude? Mr. Fucking Comedian? You think yer so funny and clever, do ya? Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! Dats what I think, k. At the end of the day.

I'll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. So me and my 'uge calves would like you to have a five dollar foot-long dick sub, on us.

Oh, and happy anniversary and all that shit, you twinkle-toed cocksucker, k.

At the end of the day.