Allow me to address some of the issues we’re having in a more realistic way that doesn’t involve me blowing billows of smoke up your asses:
- Tyson Clabo is a worthless piece of shit at RT and I’m going to do nothing about that. He’s fine because I say so.
- Ryan Tannehill will continue to play until his face gets mauled by a wild boar that has run loose in the stadium or UNTIL I FUCKING SAY SO
- Cameron Wake is FUCKING FINE and, like, didn’t you see him running around out there yesterday? HE’S FINE, YOU GUYS. HE’S TOTALLY OKAY.
- I passed the ball on that final, calamitous drive because I’m the coach and Mike Sherman is the offensive coordinator and WE DON’T GIVE A FUUUUUCK. YOLO. FOMO. ALL THAT SHIT. You say we should have run the ball given the limited success we had and played our chances with our supposedly AWESOME defense against a 3rd string fucking nobody quarterback pinned back up against his own goal line? YOU’RE CRAZY
- Daniel Thomas is a gifted running back the likes we haven’t seen since Earl Campbell in his fucking hey-day. Also, he has video of me blowing a horse in Horse Country Kendall last year. It was a dark time for me. I was drunk.
- Mr Ross pays me to do the best job I can getting this team prepared every Sunday. That being said, I will gladly take all of that VERY STUPID GARGOYLE’S money for as long as I can dupe him. Idiots.
- Wait til you see what I have planned for next Sunday against the Pats! You ever seen a quarterback try and throw every pass from behind the back??? OOOOOH HOOOOO HOOOOEEEEYY!
Any more questions? Good. I gotta go get those damn kids and scare them out of the abandoned amusement park now!