FinsNation

John Beck Being Shopped Around

 
Although the Dolphins have yet to say it publicly, the Miami Herald is reporting that the Fins are, in fact, shopping John Beck around. Reportedly, they're looking for a fourth-round pick for The Mormon, but it's unlikely anyone will give them that.

''I could see them getting a late-round pick, maybe conditional,'' a second NFC executive said. ''Last year was a disaster and he [turns] 27'' on Thursday. As perspective, one official noted Cleveland received a sixth-rounder last September from Seattle for former starter Charlie Frye, the 67th pick of the 2005 draft. Beck was drafted 40th in 2007.

Wow. John Beck went from being the possible future franchise quarterback for the Miami Dolphins to Charlie Fucking Frye. Never thought I'd ever say that. Another thing I thought I'd never say: "Would someone please put a dick in my mouth?"

Ah well. Live and learn.

-The DUDE

Peace Be With You John Beck, Josh McCown

Man oh man.  One of these guys is seriously fucked.

Things are not looking good for the two guys on our team who have Jesus as their co-pilot.  Josh McCown and John Beck continue to get less and less reps and I sincerely doubt we’re going to keep four QBs on the final 53-man roster.   They threw, I think, a combined 4 passes on Monday.  Heck, they didn’t even participate in any of the 7-on-7 or 11-on-11 drills in yesterday’s morning practice.  They mostly stood off to the side looking mopey and sad as if someone just took a shit in their sock drawer while Penny and Henne ran the offense. 

On Monday, Tony Sparano declared that the time for considering peoples' feelings is over and it looks like the front office cockpunchers are not wasting any time in sending a couple of messages.  It’s a darn shame to see the John Beck era potentially come to a close so abruptly.  I think a majority of the fans, including us here at FN, thought there was something promising in The Mormon and, early on, he exhibited some of that grit that made him someone to root for. Plus that awshucks missionary vibe he had going for him was really quite likable.

On the other hand, it’s encouraging to see production being rewarded in our young guys.  It reinforces the idea that this regime is downright serious about the youth movement and it’s encouraging to get results out of guys like Kendall Langford, Donald Thomas, Phillip “Longshanks” Merling, Henne and hell, let’s even throw Derek Hagan into the mix for kicks.  I’m willing to endure some mediocre or even subpar success in the short term in exchange for a future filled with young, tight knit players to make up for all the years we gave away draft picks like they were burning a hole in our pockets. 

So to Beck and Josh we say: Peace be with you.

And we'll all sing ‘Holy, Holy’ as Beck and McCown are escorted off the practice field. Or, some of us will hit a strip club with Joey Porter. Everyone has their own way of celebrating.

-DRK

Sparano Pulls the Old Switcheroo On Josh McCown

Throughout the week, it was rumored that Tony Sparano was only going to play two quarterbacks in tonight's pre-season matchup against the Tampa Bay Gay Pirates Buccaneers. Early indications had John Beck sitting out the game with Josh McCown and Chad Henne getting the playing time. Now with the arrival of Chad Pennington, the quarterback situation has gotten all muddled and cloudy. So, really, not much has changed.

ESPN reported this morning that Beck will get the start, with Henne coming in and alternating quarters with him. Now the Miami Herald is confirming that McCown will indeed be the one sitting out tonight's game.

This could mean lights out for McCown, who just a week ago had visions of starting for the Miami Dolphins and sugarplums dancing in his head. Not necessarily in that order.

Or it could mean that tonight is Beck's last chance to prove he's worth a roster spot.

So tonight it will be Beck starting the first and fourth quarter with Henne starting the second and third quarter. McCown will roam the sidelines with a clipboard while Pennington suffers a shoulder dislocation trying to pour himself some Gatorade.

Meanwhile, Greg Cote loves the Pennington signing. Which makes me think those of us who don't like it are on to something.

-The DUDE

Tony Sparano is Subtle

Tony Sparano reportedly told his quarterbacks how things will roll Saturday night against the Bucs but, for some reason, asked them not to share this information with the media.

McCown:

''Coach told us exactly the plan, and all of the QBs are playing on the plan, so we're ready to roll,'' said McCown, who was listed atop the depth chart this week but would not say Thursday if he would start against the Bucs. ``It's nothing I'd care to discuss. If Coach wants to tell you all, he'll tell you.''

Henne:

''He has a plan,'' Henne said. ``He should be able to tell you, but not by me. I can't. That's his word. And we admire what he says.''

Beck:

"Coach Sparano has told us it's a decision he would make come game time, so come game time we'll find out,'' Beck said. ``We'll see. Everything is up to him. He's the one calling what will be going on, so we'll just do what he says.''

So apparently McCown and Henne know the plan but Beck seems to think it's a game-time decision. Other reports say that Sparano has "hinted" that only two quarterbacks would see playing-time against the Bucs Saturday. In other unconfirmed reports, Sparano was seen talking to the three QBs and saying, "One of you guys will have to sit out this game. But I won't say who until ten minutes before kickoff." Then he gestured to Beck by poking his head and darting his eyes at him, then rubbed his nose with a finger that pointed at Beck, then he put a hand over his mouth and cleared his throat, "CoughBeckCough!!"

-The DUDE

Yup. Our QBs Do, In Fact, Suck Balls

So this weekend was all about Saturday's intra-squad scrimmage between the defense and offense. While the Right Arm of God himself watched from the sidelines, Josh McCown, John Beck and Chad Henne pretty much sucked the place up nice and good.

The Mormon was well aware of the presence of the Great One, and was a tad embarrassed: 

"I'm sure we would have liked to have done a little bit better," Beck said.

"I'm sure it brought back a few memories for Dan. I'm sure he was standing there, maybe wishing he was still throwing it around a little bit."

If he had joined in, Marino, 46, might have been the best quarterback on the field.

During a three-series span while Parcells and Marino chatted, the Dolphins' three quarterbacks - Beck, Josh McCown and Chad Henne - completed 2-of-22 throws.

Both were screen passes.

Holy shit shoes that's bad.

Meanwhile, Henne supposedly did the best, as he was the only one to complete 50 percent of his passes. But 50 percent of shit is still shit:

John Beck went 9-for-22 without a touchdown and had a sure interception dropped by Charlie Anderson. Henne was 10-for-18 with a touchdown to David Kircus, but went 1-for-5 on his second series. Josh McCown was 7-for-22 with two touchdowns, one interception to Travis Daniels, and another dropped interception by Quentin Moses. During one stretch, the quarterbacks combined to complete 2-of-22 passes.

What word means the exact opposite of "news?" Whatever it is, say that and then "Our quarterbacks fucking suck." Same thing.

-The DUDE

Weekender: The Robot, The Mormon & The Moron: Who Will Step Up?

 

Okay Nation. Time to put on our football-nerd hats and talk about some serious shit. There are some great story-lines coming out of Dolphins camp so far. Like Derek Hagan's seemingly impressive practices, Phillip Merling and Jake Long getting into a scuffle and Joey Porter laying the smack on dudes left and right. But no matter what, the bottom line remains: this team will only be as good as its quarterback. And as far as I've heard and read, all three are pretty much drinking The Suck juice by the gallon.

Let's look at what we've got in The Robot, The Mormon and The Moron, shall we? We shall! To the Idiotmobile, chums!....

God Has Smote Josh McCown

Looks like the quarterback competition prayer-off between Josh McCown and John Beck has taken an interesting turn. A Texas TV station is reporting that McCown has injured his throwing hand in a wood cutting incident. Actually, he almost lost a finger. Thaaaaat's right.

McCown needed six stitches to the index finger on his right hand a couple of weeks ago when he was injured while he and his brother, Luke, were cutting firewood. Josh McCown told Tyler television station KETK that he was holding the firewood and his brother, a backup quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, made the mistake of cutting his finger instead of the firewood.

I've been saying all along that the QB job was going to come down to who prayed the hardest between these two. Looks like today, the advantage goes to Beck. Mormons are a mysterious bunch, what with their magical underwear and their blockbuster sequel to The Bible. Plus they have Donnie Osmond, so right there one should know not to fuck with a Mormon.

But, to be fair, I think Jesus hasn't been sure which way to go with this. Both Beck and McCown have been pretty devout. But then someone goes and does something somewhat imprudent like holding firewood while someone else tries to chop it.

So it's now clear that Jesus doesn't necessarily side with the pious but, rather, will take sides against the fucktard.

Christ.

South Florida Is the New Utah

Unless you want to read a riveting story on why Josh McCown thinks he'll suck less in Miami than he did in Arizona, Detroit or Oakland, there's not much going on in the news for the Fins. So, with time and space to kill, we present to you a special news brief along with some commentary that is sure to piss some people off and earn us a lot of angry e-mails. But what the hell. Here goes: Your Miami Dolphins are now the all-time league leaders in Mormons! We currently have six Latter Day Saints on our roster. Here's your Miami Dolphin LDS breakdown (feel free to consult this list when you have your All Religion Fantasy Football league draft):

QB John Beck: The original baby! He is The Mormon. And he shall lead this glorious band of fantastical six Latter Day Saints!

Long Snapper John Denney: When you're the team's long snapper, you're going to spend a shitload of time on the bench. Why not spend that time reading? Why not the Book of Mormon? Nothing makes time go by between punts like a book featuring Native Americans and Jesus!

OL Shaun Murphy: At 6-3, 330 pounds and with a buzzcut fit for a psych ward patient, Murphy is just the latest in the legion of badasses throughout Mormon history. Badasses like Donnie Osmond, for example.

LB Kelly Poppinga: Will be a special teams stalwart thanks to strong legs powered by 12 hour bike rides through your neighborhood.

Center Samson Satele: As a Samoan, he's part of the smallest racial group in the United States. But the Church of the LDS wants Mormons to have like 12 kids, so it'll all even out.

 WR Davone Bess: As long as Bess remains a Miami Dolphin, when the LDS Church leaders take their annual membership census, they'll know where they can find the black guy.

So there you go! Miami Dolphins, Mormon strong! Mitt Romney and special underwear wearers everywhere approve! And, hey... could be worse.

Draft Thoughts: What About Beck?

I’ve received a few e-mails asking me why I keep bringing up the QB spot in this draft, and we thought you liked John Beck, and we have 4,756 positions to fill besides the QB position, etc. And a few that say that Beck sucks and that Joe Flacco rules.

But I like John Beck. I like him a lot. I am a John Beck fan. I think he has a real future and getting him a massive wall of protection in Jake Long will do wonders for The Mormon. In fact, I was the very first Dolphins blogger to come out and support the pick and tell the masses to chill the fuck out when we drafted him last year after passing on Brady Quinn. Nothing has changed for me since then. And I agree that we have more pressing needs to fill. However, I’m just going with what the reports have been saying and the reports have been saying that Bill Parcells likes Chad Henne and Joe Flacco. I also personally believe that Parcells wants to draft his own quarterback, even if he has warmed up to Beck. My only problems with Beck are his age and his ball delivery. I argued last season, mostly on forums and other blogs' comment boards, that in college he had a lot of balls batted at the line of scrimmage. I got blasted by others for saying so. Fuck those people with a lead pipe. Beck's quick release is phenomenal, but that delivery needs work. Others like Ron Jaworski and Omar Kelly agree. Beck's not the tallest QB in the world, and a couple of inches in his throwing motion would make a world of difference, so hopefully he's been working with Diamond David Lee on that.

However, all that said, I do like Brian Brohm. I’ve always been a fan of his. Last year I was really hoping he’d enter the draft so we could get a shot at him. I think Brohm is going to be a stellar quarterback in this league and I think that Brohm is better than Beck. But I also think he’s the only QB in this class that’s better than Beck. I think Beck is either better than or on par with every QB in this year’s class outside of Brohm, and that includes Matt Ryan, Henne, Flacco and the others. Brohm is the only QB I personally would focus on in this draft. Otherwise, I’m happy with Beck and I am a full supporter of The Mormon, his magical undies and his promise of a fine future as quarterback of the Miami Dolphins. Disagree? You think Beck sucks and we should go after a QB in this draft? Well screw you! Just kidding.* Feel free to let us know your opinion in the comments.

*No, seriously. Screw you.

McShay's Got the Fins Taking Matt Ryan

ESPN and Scout Inc.'s Todd McShay released his latest mock draft yesterday. You can see it here but you'd have to be a complete and utter sap and subscribe to ESPN Insider to do so (I came about this information while watching SportsCenter, lying in bed eating a hardy chicken soup the Dudette cooked up for my sick ass. I had her dress in a nurse's outfit, incidentally).

At one point, McShay had the Dolphins taking Virginia DE Chris Long. Now he has them taking BC quarterback Matt Ryan. This is the second time Ryan and the Fins have been mentioned together this off-season. McShay's reason is thusly: If the Dolphins aren't convinced that John Beck is their quarterback, then they'll take the top quarterback, who happens to be Ryan. If they do think Beck is their man, then they won't.

That's the kind of brain busting, scouting analysis and break-down you get when you fork over your 40 bucks and become an Insider. Subscribe today!

I've got nothing against Ryan. He's a fine quarterback. But I think Beck is a very good QB who can blossom into an excellent QB once he's surrounded with the right talent. It's ludicrous to judge Beck on just the four games he played. It's equally dumb judging him based on the fact that he played alongside our very own card carrying members of the Shitty-Ass Receiving Corps of America, a revolving door of running backs that included a hobbit, a leprechaun and some dude from Africa, and an offensive line that couldn't block a team of blind one-legged midgets suffering from vertigo.

I don't know yet who I think we should take with our first pick (assuming we stay there). But I do know that we can't give up on Beck. Not when he's perfectly suited for the job and not when we have so many other pressing needs on this team.

We don't need Ryan. Beck has all the tools. A strong arm, accuracy, a quick-release, great pocket awareness, football smarts, and the ever important magical undies.

That's right, McShitstain. Magical undies. How's that for scouting analysis?