I was mindlessly watching Conan the other night when Lake Bell came on and there’s few things as wonderfully splendiforous for a man than seeing some skinny gal with huge boobs come on the scene. It’s always, like, ‘Holy shit! She’s so thin but her boobs are fantastic! I had no idea!’ Surprise boobs are the best boobs.
– Don’t get passes batted down. Slide in the pocket, pump fake, blow the ‘Bloodsport’ powder into Richard Seymours eyes, WHATEVER, BRO. Just stop doing that, RT17.
– MORE MORE MORE MORE Reggie Bush. He’s the only guy currently worth a shit (outside of Pouncey and occasional War Hammer awesomeness but THEY DON’T SCORE TDs) on that offense. Maybe do like the Raiders did against the Chargers when…
– McFadden had 18 touches last game. HIT HIM IN THE MOUTH. Or don’t. Whatever.
– Kill Jeff Ireland with a crossbow shot from the 400 level. NO ONE WILL BE UP THERE TO SEE YOU DO IT.
Amusingly, the Dolphins…get this…are holding a contest during the halftime of Sunday’s game for you to…hahaha…have a chance…at…hahahaha…
KICKING A 60 YARD FIELD GOAL FOR $10,000!!!!
And you thought it was Louis CK that was the king of absurdist comedy? Fuck that. It’s your Miami Dolphins. Those assholes just want to watch you epically fail in front of all your friends and family because – if you could kick a 60 yard field goal – you could easily, you know, GET A FUCKING JOB WITH AN NFL TEAM.
The Dolphins are totally pulling a fucking Lucy from Peanuts on some unassuming idiots on Sunday.
Miami Dolphins. Kings of idiot-assed halftime events.
A LOT more of Lake Bell below. This scene is wonderfully NSFW. Enjoy!