I think I don't want to hear what great fans the Jets have. Not for a long time. That crowd Saturday night was a disgrace. At least half the stadium was empty for Favre's debut in a Jets' uniform. I expressed my amazement to a few fellow scribes Saturday night -- emphasizing that N.Y. traded for an all-time-great quarterback, not a broken-down one -- and they gave varying reasons for the poor turnout. Like it's the middle of vacation month for New Yorkers, and it's a preseason game. Horsefeathers. If you really love your team, and you have season tickets, you should have been at that game unless you were in Tibet. Ridiculous.
Come on, PK. Has your Washington Monument sized boner for Brett Favre blinded you to the obvious, or is this really not something that is apparent to you? Because it fucking should be, you Starbucks slurping, corpulent assdigger. Why would they be at the game when there are so many old ladies to punch, circle-jerk parties to attend, and crystal meth to freebase at the local crackhouse??? A stadium full of security guards and policemen would be the last place these degenerate shitbags would want to be on a Saturday night. There are way too many despondently depraved acts that can be committed during that 3 hour stretch.
Get with it, paunchy. Living in Dirty Jerszzzz, you should know better.
That's right! FinsNation is 1 year old today! And yet, we're already in the "terrible twos" stage.
What can I say? What a year! It's really been quite a ride. Mostly a shitty one, thanks in large part to the Dolphins and their mission to completely suck the very souls from our bodies. Bunch of assholes. But I've had a great time, and I hope you have too.
Thanks for making this here blog one of the most successful and fastest growing Dolphins blogs on the World Wide Interwebs. We've gone from about 18 readers, mostly just folks looking for animal porn who stumbled upon FN via the Googles, to a shitload of page views and unique visits every day. We even got noticed and picked up by MVN thanks to our fast growing success. That transition should be happening ... any... second ... now... waiting .... waiting... waiting ...
To all you awesome FN commenters, as well as to all you who don’t comment but come here every day to read my goofy shit and rage filled ramblings, I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for a great first year. And here's to another 2 or 3 before I call it quits after I finally burn out or the Dolphins just never get better and I say fuck it and blow up my computer, shoot the dog and kill 3 or 4 of my neighbors with a machete. Which ever comes first.
So, after 470 posts, over 4000 comments and the addition of one crazy-drunk-ass blog partner (remember, ladies, he's single now!!), all I can say is thanks for embracing this place and making it your own. You don't have to visit and read my stupid shit. But you do, possibly even at the risk of being fired. And I am eternally grateful.
Thanks for being so awesome, Nation. I love you all. Even you, guy who found me by Googling "Naked Jayson Taylor Suck Dick," you wacky perverted motherfucker, you!
Oh, yea, and Go Fins or whatever the fuck.
-The DUDE
[We'll be having special guests appear throughout the day today to leave their well wishes and shit. So look out for that.]
The scrawny little pecker-head you see on the left is me. The other kid is my big brother. And the mustachioed stranger in the middle -- that would be my old man in all his Magnum PI glory.
I inherited my love of sports from my Dad. I also inherited from my Dad my love of good music, pizza bagels, women with nice asses, Superman comics, Ray Harryhausen movies, and a fondness for having fun at other people's expense. Alas, I did not inherit his affinity for mustaches.
But there are three things my Dad instilled in me that has impacted my life the most. The first two are his love for the Miami Dolphins and his sarcastic and douchebaggedy wit (which explains why this blog is ensconced in it). I've been able to take both and parlay them into a somewhat successful career as a copywriter, freelance writer, and blogger.
The third thing he handed down to me was being a kick-ass Dad. And I am striving to be just that for my own little man. Like most good dads, he took me to ballgames and coached my little league teams. As a kid, he would buy me toys and as an adolescent, he always let me borrow his car whenever I had a hot date. Unlike my Mom, he's not much of a talker. But he's never had to be. Dad has always been about letting me figure things out on my own and diffusing tough situations with his humor. Yet the one place we could really communicate and talk for hours was sports -- particularly the Dolphins. To this day, it's really the one thing we talk about (outside of me constantly telling him not to spoil his grandson so much). To forget about life for a while, and just talk sports with your father. What more could a son ask for?
The man loves his wife. The man loves his sons. The man loves his grand children. The man loves his Dolphins.
And although he no longer looks like Magnum PI, he still sports the facial hair. So now he looks more like a pirate. Which not only makes my son believe his grandpa sails the seven seas in search for buried treasure, but makes my Dad more of a badass than Magnum ever was.
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
And Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there in the Nation!
I gotta say I agree with DRK. I’m glad I wasn’t on that panel last night. Because, unlike the great Will Leitch, I probably would have lunged at Buzz Bissinger and beaten the ever living shit out his scrotum-looking balding face (seriously, the guy’s face looks like a freshly waxed ballsack. Never thought I’d live to see that). I’d beat him up good and then shit in his mouth while he lay bleeding and unconscious.
"[Blogging and mainstream journalism] are two entirely seperate media. Bloggers are not putting newspaper columnists (or print media) out of business — bad newspapering is. These two worlds don't have to co-exist and were never intended to be that way. To me, blogging and internet writing, by and large, is rooted in comedy and opinion. That's it. One doesn't invalidate the other."
That said, I give a hardy shout out to Miami New Times editor Chuck Strouse. For giving me some paid work to write my goofy shit and for recognizing that the voice of a fan is sometimes better than the voice of a dulled out, jaded, overweight (and sometimes balding testicle faced) sports reporter who has forgotten why he became a sports writer in the first place. Because sports is supposed to be fun.
Bissinger is a fine writer. I enjoyed Friday Night Lights very much. And I’m a believer that talent overcomes everything when you put that talent to use. So as frightened as he is that his way of reporting and writing may be dying out, I think his legacy is safe. Even though he just added to that legacy by showing what a complete dickbag of the highest order he is in front of millions of HBO viewers (like he did for us Boog Sciambi fans a while back. God I miss Boog).
Just your bi-monthly post to remind you how amazing I am. The South Florida Fan Blog is a ... well ... a blog, run by the Sponge Bros. And it is steeped in the quality I like to call The Awesomeness. They cover the entire SoFla sports scene with a lot of passion, knowledge and with a bit of homeristic bias sprinkled in as well. They cover the Fins, Heat, Canes, Marlins and, yes, even the Panthers. Anyway, yesterday they plugged yours truly in a totally non-gay way (Ed. -- not that there's anything wrong with that):
"At first, I was a bit skeptical of their claim: "The Greatest Miami
Dolphins Blog In The Universe!" Sure, it's not exactly high on the
humility scale, but they talk the talk (which is walking the walk in
blogging). Their commentary is absolutely outstanding. Not only will I
be referencing them throughout the week as we approach the NFL Draft,
but I'll be reading their material with as much eagerness as any other
fan."
Not exactly on the humility scale? They don't know the half of it. And yes, my commentary is second to none (Ed. -- when it comes to dick jokes and the like). So my thanks to the Sponge Bros. and the entire South Florida Fan Blog staff. You'll find them under the Friends Of FN over on the left sidebar, so take a gander when you get a hankerin to catch up with the other SoFla sports teams. The Dude abides.
Asked if he has any concerns about working with Parcells, a man who is known to butt heads with NFL owners, Ross says: "He's head of football operations and he has a track record. I'm certainly not planning on interfering with him."
Not asked: What he plans to do about his incredible shrinking head.
My favorite sci-fi movies deal with post-apocalyptic themes, like Blade Runner, Escape From New York, The Road Warrior and, the granddaddy of them all: Planet of the Apes (No, not that shitty Tim Burton version with Marky Mark. The original 1968 version.) and it's 1970 sequel, Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
So it is with great sadness that we at FN say a fond adieu to the great Charlton Heston. Sure, to most he'll forever be Moses or Ben-Hur or that really old guy that liked guns and hated the gays and rapper Ice-T. But he'll always be Taylor to me. Taylor befriended the benevolent apes who sought truth and freedom and fought the oppressive apes with their old way of thinking and their stringent rules on ignoring the past, all the while scoring a pretty hot piece of ass. The last woman alive and she's hot and mute!? Shee-it!! I can't wait for the future!
"Dolphins tackle Vernon Carey, ex-Dolphins fullback Rob Konrad... were
the big-name winning bidders in the annual Make-A-Wish Ultimate Sports
Auction on Tuesday night at the Broward County Convention Center... [the event] drew several prominent athletes, including Dolphins quarterback John Beck...The event raised $240,000 to grant wishes to children with
life-threatening medical conditions. About 600 people attended the
event, which was emceed by NBC and HBO sportscaster Bob Costas."
All the money raised at the event went to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is very kick ass.
So it's a slow day for the Fins, news-wise. But Carey and Beck did their part to help kids with life-threatening medical conditions. And that, my friends, is a whole other level of baddasery.
Meanwhile, I held my own private auction. The winner? The lady in this video. The prize? My heart.
(Thanks to reader Nate for the video. And for having time in his day to find such videos and then for some reason sending them to me.)
Apparently, Jason Taylor has supposedly, maybe just set up a MySpace page to keep his fans abreast on his Dancing With the Stars venture. And look who he’s got as his number one friend! (after the official Dancing With the Stars page).
Of course, this may not even be real. This could very well be a well orchestrated plot by some deviant who is trying to entice me into a MS chat room where he’ll make me e-mail him pictures of me in my swim trunks. Then exploit my weakness for Oreos and make me meet him at a motel where he will then show me the “Oreo” he has for me in his pants (U LV OREO? OMG ME 2! LOL). But I’ll bring Chris Hanson along, so it’s cool.
Or maybe it’s real. Maybe Jason Taylor is a fan of FinsNation. No one in the blogosphere worships him more than I do. So I've got that going for me. And FinsNation is the top fan site on his official website (number one of three, bitch!). However, there’s also no mention of this MySpace page on his website. So who knows. Meh, fuck it. I’m just going to pretend it’s real.
I'm friends with the baddest of the badasses, I am!
Know who else I'm friends with? Leonard Nimoy. Yep. I went to a Star Trek convention a couple of years ago and he was on stage and did that Vulcan greeting thing with his hand and he smiled and looked right at me. I was like, whoa. Spock smiled at me! The guy who played Mr. Sulu was also there but he never looked in my direction the whole time he spoke. What a dick, that Mr. Sulu.
