Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

The Fins QB Competition Will Be Fierce

Sports Illustrated's Don Banks lists 12 depth-chart competitions to keep an eye on this summer. The Dolphins make the list at No. 4 with the quarterback battle between John Beck, Josh McCown and Chad Henne:

Miami quarterback, Chad Henne vs. John Beck and Josh McCown -- Henne has always been a fast learner and most observers believe he'll be the Dolphins' guy before Halloween rolls around. Miami's second-round pick started his first game as a true freshman at Michigan and won't find the NFL stage too big for him. That said, the veteran McCown, playing for his fourth team, probably will run the offense better than anyone in the preseason and earn the opening day starting job. As for Beck, Miami's second-round pick in 2007, Bill Parcells is said to have early respect for him and his work ethic, meaning he'll be given a legitimate chance to compete for the No. 1 position.

This will be the most heated competition for the QB job Miami has seen in a long time. And that is a very good thing. Should be a fun training camp this summer. In related news, I’ll also be having a competition this summer. The competition will be a spirited debate on “Why Superman would totally kick the Hulk’s ass in a fight.” I will be debating myself. The winner will be declared by me. Call me, ladies. I'm a winner!

The Fins QB Competition Will Be Fierce

Sports Illustrated's Don Banks lists 12 depth-chart competitions to keep an eye on this summer. The Dolphins make the list at No. 4 with the quarterback battle between John Beck, Josh McCown and Chad Henne:

Miami quarterback, Chad Henne vs. John Beck and Josh McCown -- Henne has always been a fast learner and most observers believe he'll be the Dolphins' guy before Halloween rolls around. Miami's second-round pick started his first game as a true freshman at Michigan and won't find the NFL stage too big for him. That said, the veteran McCown, playing for his fourth team, probably will run the offense better than anyone in the preseason and earn the opening day starting job. As for Beck, Miami's second-round pick in 2007, Bill Parcells is said to have early respect for him and his work ethic, meaning he'll be given a legitimate chance to compete for the No. 1 position.

This will be the most heated competition for the QB job Miami has seen in a long time. And that is a very good thing. Should be a fun training camp this summer. In related news, I�ll also be having a competition this summer. The competition will be a spirited debate on �Why Superman would totally kick the Hulk�s ass in a fight.� I will be debating myself. The winner will be declared by me. Call me, ladies. I'm a winner!

Jake Long Will Make An Impact

Sports Illustrated's Bucky Brooks lists ten rookies poised to make an impact this season. On the list is our very own number one-overall pick, Jake Long:

Jake Long, OT, Miami: Bill Parcells handpicked Long to be the cornerstone of the Dolphins offense, and his ability to pave the way for Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown will help Tony Sparano establish a smash-mouth identity for the team. No one expected the Dolphins to start the Parcells' era with an offensive player, but Long will anchor an offensive line that will attempt to maul defenses at the point of attack.

Fuck yea! I love that last line: "Long will anchor an offensive line that will attempt to maul defenses at the point of attack." It's like our O-line is now made up of lions and grizzly bears. As opposed to last season, when it was made up of a billy goat, some chickens and a one-legged rooster.

Jake Long Will Make An Impact

Sports Illustrated's Bucky Brooks lists ten rookies poised to make an impact this season. On the list is our very own number one-overall pick, Jake Long:

Jake Long, OT, Miami: Bill Parcells handpicked Long to be the cornerstone of the Dolphins offense, and his ability to pave the way for Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown will help Tony Sparano establish a smash-mouth identity for the team. No one expected the Dolphins to start the Parcells' era with an offensive player, but Long will anchor an offensive line that will attempt to maul defenses at the point of attack.

Fuck yea! I love that last line: "Long will anchor an offensive line that will attempt to maul defenses at the point of attack." It's like our O-line is now made up of lions and grizzly bears. As opposed to last season, when it was made up of a billy goat, some chickens and a one-legged rooster.

Here's Hoping We Suck In 2008 Too! Weeee!!

ESPN & Scouts Inc's Todd McShay posted his first 2009 NFL mock draft yesterday, which is both awesome and not very good. Not only is it as ridiculous as me saying I know exactly what you're going to eat for breakfast on October 25th, 2024* But it also has a strange indefinable lure to it. It's kinda seductive, that link. Should I take a look? No, it's stupid! The draft just ended and it's silly. But, really, what's the harm? Oh okay. No, don't do it! But I want to know what he thinks the Dolphins will do! Oh... Oh.... Fine. Look. But don't tell anybody.... Anyway, he has the Dolphins picking 4th. And at 4, he has them taking DT Al Woods out of LSU.

But fuck that noise. I don't want Woods. I want LB Rey Maualuga from USC (McShay has him going 9th to the Rams). If we suck bad enough this year -- and I really think it's doable ::fingers crossed, makes girly "Eeeee! sound:: -- then this is the guy. This is the next great middle linebacker. Mark my words. Maualuga is a supreme badass and those who dare step onto the field and play football against him are either ignorant of his terrible powers or are resigned to live their lives without their intestines. The man is an absolute beast. He's everything Vernon Gholston wished he could be. And he's everything Bill Parcells dreams about at night. I'm beginning to suspect now why we signed Josh McCown. Start his ass and let's do this! 3-13 all the way baby! Wooohoo!!!!

By the way, McShay has the Patriots picking 32. So, according to Todd McShay, the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl next year. Stupid Todd McShay.

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*A BK Croissanwich with Sausage, Egg & Cheese, 5 piece French Toast Sticks, Hash Brown Rounds - small, and a large coffee. Jesus. Slow down, lard ass!

Here's Hoping We Suck In 2008 Too! Weeee!!

ESPN & Scouts Inc's Todd McShay posted his first 2009 NFL mock draft yesterday, which is both awesome and not very good. Not only is it as ridiculous as me saying I know exactly what you're going to eat for breakfast on October 25th, 2024* But it also has a strange indefinable lure to it. It's kinda seductive, that link. Should I take a look? No, it's stupid! The draft just ended and it's silly. But, really, what's the harm? Oh okay. No, don't do it! But I want to know what he thinks the Dolphins will do! Oh... Oh.... Fine. Look. But don't tell anybody.... Anyway, he has the Dolphins picking 4th. And at 4, he has them taking DT Al Woods out of LSU.

But fuck that noise. I don't want Woods. I want LB Rey Maualuga from USC (McShay has him going 9th to the Rams). If we suck bad enough this year -- and I really think it's doable ::fingers crossed, makes girly "Eeeee! sound:: -- then this is the guy. This is the next great middle linebacker. Mark my words. Maualuga is a supreme badass and those who dare step onto the field and play football against him are either ignorant of his terrible powers or are resigned to live their lives without their intestines. The man is an absolute beast. He's everything Vernon Gholston wished he could be. And he's everything Bill Parcells dreams about at night. I'm beginning to suspect now why we signed Josh McCown. Start his ass and let's do this! 3-13 all the way baby! Wooohoo!!!!

By the way, McShay has the Patriots picking 32. So, according to Todd McShay, the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl next year. Stupid Todd McShay.

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*A BK Croissanwich with Sausage, Egg & Cheese, 5 piece French Toast Sticks, Hash Brown Rounds - small, and a large coffee. Jesus. Slow down, lard ass!

Jalen Parmele = Marion Barber

According to a rumor I just made up, top NFL personnel people are calling Jalen Parmele the next Marion Barber.

Jeff Ireland concurs.

Jalen Parmele = Marion Barber

According to a rumor I just made up, top NFL personnel people are calling Jalen Parmele the next Marion Barber.

Jeff Ireland concurs.

The Dolphins Added a Bunch of Guys

The Dolphins have added eight college free agents. A quarter of them won't make the final roster but that's not gonna stop us from getting all excited about it anyway.

They signed Hawaii WR Davone Bess. I already compared my excitement over his signing with my excitement for a woman's ass (and linking to the world's greatest movie scene).

They also signed Georgia Southern QB Jayson Foster, who everyone seems to be excited about because he can play both quarterback and wide receiver! Yay! He's like Slash! Remember Slash!? Kordell Stewart! I remember Kordell Stewart! And that's why I'm not as excited as everyone else about this signing! But welcome aboard anyway, Jason!

Also signed: Portland State tackle Daren Heerspink, Delaware tackle Mike Byrne, Boise State tackle Dan Gore, Montana kicker Dan Carpenter, Maine tight end Matt Mulligan and BYU linebacker Mike Poppinga.

So there you go. Eight new Dolphins for our approval. But who gives a shit what you and I think. The real question is, does Mr. T approve?

Case closed.

The Dolphins Added a Bunch of Guys

The Dolphins have added eight college free agents. A quarter of them won't make the final roster but that's not gonna stop us from getting all excited about it anyway.

They signed Hawaii WR Davone Bess. I already compared my excitement over his signing with my excitement for a woman's ass (and linking to the world's greatest movie scene).

They also signed Georgia Southern QB Jayson Foster, who everyone seems to be excited about because he can play both quarterback and wide receiver! Yay! He's like Slash! Remember Slash!? Kordell Stewart! I remember Kordell Stewart! And that's why I'm not as excited as everyone else about this signing! But welcome aboard anyway, Jason!

Also signed: Portland State tackle Daren Heerspink, Delaware tackle Mike Byrne, Boise State tackle Dan Gore, Montana kicker Dan Carpenter, Maine tight end Matt Mulligan and BYU linebacker Mike Poppinga.

So there you go. Eight new Dolphins for our approval. But who gives a shit what you and I think. The real question is, does Mr. T approve?

Case closed.