If you’re a frequent reader of his blog, or perhaps one of many who have been blocked by him on Twitter, then you know that Omar Kelly is the biggest sports writer troll in the history of the Internet.
It’s not even close.
And yes, we’re talking bigger than Skip Bayless, Michael Wilbon, Jason Whitlock, and Bill Simmons.
Because, as dickish as those assholes can be, the subtle genius of their trolling is that they know they’re trolling. They thrive on it, made careers out of it, even have fun with it.
The problem with Omar is that he is so lacking in self-awareness, so caught up with thinking he’s smarter than you, and bathed with so much contempt and condescension towards you — the unwashed masses of poor uneducated football fans — that his trolling isn’t merely playing the villain — like Simmons or Bayless — it’s that he’s a genuine dick, hated by a lot of Dolphins fans, and disrespected by even his own peers.
Be it him touting his fucktarded KILL stat to determine whether a quarterback is any good, talking about how football games are won and lost in THE TRENCHES because look at how abstract am I in my thinking, you puney pieces of shit! Or be it acting like an unprofessional shitheel on Twitter, acting like a tough guy with complete strangers and even insulting one follower by saying he “banged” their mom (that tweet has since been deleted, which is typical pussyfart Omar), Kelly has time and time again, been a total and complete anal fissure.
Which brings us to his blog post from yesterday, where he passive aggressively went after WAARF, while simultaneously fellating himself, putting on his INTERWEBZ GANGSTA persona, and defining what a true real for honest to goodness fan REALLY is. The post really does have everything Omar.
Let’s take a look, shall we?
Despite the Dolphins’ recent respectable performances, which has the team on the verge of producing a .500 record for the first time since the first month of the 2010 season, someone needs to remain the fan base’s punching bag.That’s honor goes to General Manager Jeff Ireland, who was the inspiration for a Youtube parody video that has the potential to go viral.
Despite the Dolphins not being as shitty as they were two seasons ago when Jeff Ireland was running things, and OH! LOOK! they’re going to be a .500 football team! SOMEBODY needs to remain the fan base’s punching bag. Because people who are a part of a “fan base” are mindless neanderthals who NEED to blame someone for the fact that this team has been the NFL’s laughing stock for well over a decade.
Seriously, Omar Kelly can barely contain is utter disdain for you, angry critical Dolphins fan. He literally wants to shit in each and every one of your mouths for daring to shake your fist in anger at the incompetence that has plagued your beloved football team for years.
The video and pardony song of Eminem’s “My Name Is” was put together by an anti-Ireland group who have been calling themselves WAARF, which stands for “We Are All Ray Feinga.” Feinga is the former Dolphins offensive guard who has had a consistent on-again, off-again relationship with the team since 2009.
OH. HE. KNOWS. THE. NAME. /faints //wakes up ///masterbates to a picture of Anthony Munoz.
I suspect the WAARF movement represents the people who feel insignificant, but it is just a guess.
Holy shit, want a fucking cuntrag.
This seriously has to be the most petty sentence ever written by a local sports writer in the history of this city (and this is the place that gave us fucking Armando Salguero!). And, upon further examination, IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.
It seems Omar was just so keen on insulting WAARF and so bent on belittling them, he spewed out words that randomly put together, sort of sound like a put-down.
If you’re going to take a shot, at least do it coherently, Professor Dickweed.
I suspect a little bit of semen escapes your penis every time Kevin Burnett addresses you in the locker room. Not because it’s gay, but because otherwise, you’d feel pretty insignificant if he didn’t. BUT HEY IT’S JUST A GUESS, BRO. (See how that works, O?)
While I’m not a fan of juvenile stuff like this because of how disrespectful it is on so many levels (mocking Ireland for his red hair is classless), the song is actually pretty creative.
Too bad it ignores the fact plenty of Ireland draft picks, acquisitions and acorns are BEGINNING to blossom for the Dolphins.
IT’S JUVENILE AND BEYOND GOOD JUDGEMENT TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS — The Guy That Acts Like A 15 Year Old Boy On Twitter With People He Disagrees With
It’s disrespectful on so many levels to poke fun at a guy who asked if a players’ mother was a “prostitute.” It’s disrespectful on so many levels to poke fun at a guy who called a fan an “asshole.”
Not disrespectful in any way shape or form?
–TELLING A TWITTER FOLLOWER YOU BANGED THEIR MOM.
-YELLING AT TWITTER FOLLOWERS FOR DARING TO ASK A QUESTION ABOUT NFL QUARTERBACKS EVEN THOUGH IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB TO AT LEAST ADDRESS SAID QUESTIONS.
-TREATING YOUR READERS LIKE RETARDED CHILDREN WHO JUST NOW ONLY LEARNED WHAT A FOOTBALL IS.
-DEVOTING AN ENTIRE BLOG POST ON SHITTY FANBOYS AND THEN INSINUATING THAT THEY AND THE MANY WHO FOLLOW AND AGREE WITH THEM ARE PETTY AND INSIGNIFICANT, ALL WHILE TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU DON’T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THEM.
-DISMISSING PEOPLE WHO ASK YOU A QUESTION BY TELLING THEM TO LOOK AT YOUR TWITTER FEED BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO SPARE TO TYPE OUT 140 FUCKING CHARACTERS TO ANSWER A QUESTION.
We can go on, but you get the point. It’s HILAR that Omar is suddenly the arbiter of respect, when he fails to give it at every turn. But, hey, KILL TRENCHES TU-PAC BIBLE VERSES.
As for “ignoring” Ireland’s acorns: Fuck. You. Ireland’s free agency signings have been a fucking mess. His draft picks have been mostly shit. And while Tannehill is turning out to be a good QB, it was Stephen Ross, along with Joe Philbin and mostly Mike Fucking Sherman, that had as much to do with drafting him as Ireland. But if we want to have a bukakke party on each other because the Dolphins are 2-3 instead of their usual 1-4, then by all means LET’S THROW JEFFY A VICTORY PARADE DOWN BISCAYNE BLVD!
As I wrote in THIS COLUMN last month, the best way to evaluate Ireland is to watch how the draft picks – Sean Smith, Mike Pouncey, Koa Misi, Brian Hartline, Reshad Jones, Chris Clemons, John Jerry, Nolan Carroll, Jimmy Wilson, Ryan Tannehill, Jonathan Martin, Lamar Miller, Jared Odrick, Olivier Vernon – he’s had a hand in selecting develops and performs for Miami this season.
That group, not the Pat Whites and Patrick Turners of the world, are Miami’s nucleus. That’s the group Joe Philbin inherited from Ireland, and they have made the Dolphins a team that consistently owns the line of scrimmage on Sundays.
So far Ireland, who doesn’t have much of an impact on wins and losses when the season’s in progress (the coaches game-plan and player execution does), is earning a passing grade with a few (Michael Egnew, Daniel Thomas and Charles Clay) low marks for players ON THE ROSTER who might still turn it around and exit the bust zone.
Here are a bunch of players Jeff Ireland had a hand in drafting that have been pretty good. Here are a bunch of players that Jeff Ireland had a hand in drafting that are shitty. But let’s only focus on the players that are pretty good to judge Ireland, because I fucked your mother, so I’m right about every thing.
Sometimes I wonder about the percentage of Dolphins fans who would prefer the team lose games just to ensure that Ireland doesn’t stick around past this season.
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to get fingerbanged by Kevin Burnett.
That faction of fans are out there, but should they really be called Dolphins fans?
Seriously, go fuck yourself with a rabid platypus, you condesending shitheel. HOW DARE YOU BE CRITICAL AND CALL YOURSELF A REAL FAN. A REAL FAN SITS AND LISTENS TO WHAT I SAY AND NEVER QUESTIONS THE TEAM, NO MATTER HOW BAD IT SUCKS ASS.
Also, I TOTALLY FUCKED YOUR MOM.
For the record, I really don’t care what happens to Ireland. But I’d prefer to evaluate him on his draft picks, roster moves, and the team’s performance than blame him for everything that’s wrong with the team, and America.
For the record, I really don’t care what happens to Ireland, except that I do because when I’m wrong, I don’t like to be held accountable. REMEMBER HOW MUCH I CREAMED MYSELF OVER LEGEDU NAANEE??? HA. HA. HA. WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER THAT WAS. It. Never. Happened.
No, but really. I don’t care.
For those of you who don’t know, the classy sign off the professional beat writer for a major meropolitcan newspaper used, “G .G .G.,” stands for “Good, Giving and Game,” which basically means he’s claiming he’s good in the sack.
So it’s comforting to know your mother had a good time when Omar banged her.
Stay classy, O.
Also, fuck you.