Holy cockshoes your Miami Dolphins are 2-0!
After taking down Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts 24-20, the Fins are off to the races, starting the season 2-0 for the first time IN LIKE A DECADE.
Kinda like the first time I ever dry-humped my mattress, this feels weird, but also really good!
Feel free to give us your take in the comments. Here are some quick thoughts following the win:
- COCKCAKES Grimes has been pretty stellar so far. That INT in the endzone as he covered Reggie Wayne was the play of the game. Keep in mind that before his injury with the
BucsFalcons, Grimes was one of the best corners in the league. If his knee can hold up for the rest of the year, the Fins might have gotten themselves quite the bargain. He keeps this up, and he’ll be in line for Most Improved Player. And we can celebrate with cake!
- Ryan Tannehill still looks a tad jittery in the pocket, and forces some shit throws — or he’ll just stand there and forget that this is tackle football and that the defensive line doesn’t have to count Mississippi’s before rushing him. BUT, he can throw darts in small spaces and seems to be getting a grasp of NFL speed. His long-ball still has the accuracy of DRK trying to take a shit when he’s drunk, but there is visible improvement. And he outplayed Andrew Luck in this game. So, there’s that.
- Our linebackers still can’t cover tight ends. If the Colts coaches had realized this, maybe this game would’ve had a different outcome.
- Dion Jordan pushed Andrew Luck. He PUSHED him. This happened. What the shit?
- Mike Wallace needs to BITCH AND MOAN SOME MORE. Because that shit works, evidently.
- The Dolphins committed zero penalties in this game. That’s fucking bananas.
- The offensive line remains, as ever, a big wet grocery bag of dog shit. I mean what the fuck is a Ryan Clabo? And enough already with Daniel Thomas whiffing on his blocks.
- We’re really, really, super good at finding kickers. Caleb Sturgis is a beardless Dan Carpenter.
- Brian Hartline and his CAT-LIKE REFLEXES had yet another stupendous game. We like fucking with the guy on Twitter, but it’s time we gave him his due. Hartline is a gamer. Sure, he forever fucked up when he came after DRK with his lame cat trash talk. But he more than makes up for it with his play, and with his deciding to not block the shit out of everyone on Twitter when they tweet out stuff like :
— Alice (@AliPhinchik) September 15, 2013
Call your grandma and tell her “MEOW” — Kevin Mayer (@KevinCMayer) September 15, 2013
CATS! — Adam Smoot (@adamsmoot) September 15, 2013
THE MAGICIAN!!!!! MEOOOWWWWWW — Rizzmiggizz (@RizzWrites) September 15, 2013
MEOWWWWWWWW — Silky m33m Johnson (@HeatBoner) September 15, 2013
MEOW! — JERK (@DanGnajerle) September 15, 2013
Cats!!!!!!! — Gigi (@G_Nazari) September 15, 2013
We’re such assholes.
BUT WE’RE HAPPY ASSHOLES WHO ARE 2-0 FUCK YEA.