Fins Nation - Page 3 of 18 - A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Dolphins Lose Binns for Season, Looking Elsewhere for WR Help

on July 29, 2013

The Dolphins lost WR Armon Binns for the season yesterday when Binns went down with a torn MCL and ACL. Binns had been a bit gimpy since Saturday but yesterday the kid finally went down for good, thus losing out on his bid to become the 4th WR on the active roster. Binns was slated to get some good playing time this season after having a somewhat promising 2012 campaign but it just goes to show you that that #19 jersey TROLLS ALL AND JUST AIN’T CARE. Tough break for the kid but now it’s ‘next man up’ as the Dolphins will rely on camp standout Marvin McNutt along with a couple of things called a ‘Rishard Matthews’ and a ‘Jeff Fuller’. The Dolphins will also bring in last year’s offseason prized WR-free-agent-cum-in-season-gelatinous-goo-brain, Laurent Robinson, for a workout. Hmph.

Worst of all for Binns is that he was clearly the front runner in our annual J.R. Tolver Award and this injury will eliminate him from that prestigious honor. I’m sure he’s more disappointed about that than anything else concerning this injury, really. Maybe he should seek some counsel with this guy.

There’s always next year!

Tonight is the team scrimmage ‘dress rehearsal’ at Sun Life at 7pm. I went to one of these in 2003 and, Jesus Christ, it was boring.

Programming note: The Dude (along with Rizz and Adam Smoot) were on a Page Q podcast recently talkin Dolphins. Bang it here.

Brent Grimes Likes His Birthday Cakes

on July 23, 2013

Fins cornerback Brent Grimes had himself a surprise 30th birthday this past Friday thrown by his wife and buddies.

And what kind of theme birthday cake do you get a man who is turning the big Three Oh?

Why the kind with a lady sucking a dick on it, of course!

Turns out, Grimes’ cake was quite a mouthful (ha! ha!) (sorry), and his wife Miko did what all good wives do — she Instagrammed the cake!

However, we put on our reporter hat on and did some digging (i.e. we Googled shit) and found out that Grimes’ 29th birthday cake was even more titillating than his 30th birthday cake. It even had a little bit of vanilla added to it.

Best part of this story?

This is literally how I found out the Dolphins had Brent Grimes now.

Click here to see Brent’s 30th birthday cake

Click here to see Brent’s 29th birthday cake

Warning: Both links are EXTREMELY NSFW (also, probably extremely delicious)

The Dolphins Started Training Camp Yesterday

on July 22, 2013

The Dolphins started training camp yesterday. So far Tannyboy and Wallace haven’t connected on a long TD bomb so everyone’s already started to shit out fried tilapia. It’s Day Two, folks. I’m more worried about Dion Jordan looking less buff than Montell Jordan BUT DAS JUST ME.

Give us your impressions thus far in the comments.

(P-shop by #Fireland)

Fins CEO Mike Dee is Gone

on July 17, 2013

YOYOYOYOYOYO, PEACE OUT HOMEY!

As reported earlier everywhere but I was too busy to make fun of it, CEO Mike Dee of the Dolphins is GONE-SKI. Dee has left for the greener pastures and lower expectations to take the same position with the San Diego Padres. BASEBALL? Yuuuuuckoooo.

Dee has served as CEO of the Fins since 2009 and can list these accomplishments under his tenure:

The Orange Carpet
Declining season ticket sales
7-9 FOREVERRRRR
The ‘popular’ and ‘successful’ ‘Gator Day‘
The HILARIOUS ‘field goal contest‘

So yea, sleep tight Padres fans. Good luck having this face troll you every day and threaten to move the team to La Jolla!!!

There’s a Lizard in the Cold Tub at Dolphins HQ

on July 10, 2013

Jimmy Wilson tweeted this just a moment ago:

Yea lizard in cold tub sleeves at facility scared ish outta me lol #phinsup http://t.co/f4h6KeKW7k

— jimmy wilson (@jwilwin3) July 10, 2013

Here is the lizard in question:

Yea, I’m not putting a picture of a lizard up. Happy Doldrums, fuckers!

Ellerbe Puts Balls On Table, Points At Them

on July 8, 2013

New LB Dannell Ellerbe (seen here wearing the very latest in Orlando Thunder gameday apparel) said he was brought to Miami to topple the Patriots – a team you might remember as have penistically violated the entire AFC East for, oh, 13 fucking seasons now. In his comments, at least Ellerbe showed the slightest humility and restraint during a period of time (the offseason) that is usually reserved for unabridged panache and highfalutin braggadicio. KUDOS ON THAT.

Unfortunately, the Patriots still have Tom Fucking Brady, Douchebag Esq. III and I seem to remember that guy still scoring touchdowns when his team consisted of Kevin Faulk and 6 amputees on work release.

So, yea, we’ll see! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, DOLDRUMS!