….AND OOOH WHAT MERRIMENT THE LAND DOTH ENJOY….
For today, on this 6th of September, in the Year of our Lord, Omar Kelly, did his most gracious of all Dolphins soothsayers/mother-sexing deities decree that the final, YES FINAL, J.R. Tolver Award Winner for Wide Receivers That Show Promise, Ability, Zeal, Athleticism, Toughness, Discipline, Chutzpah Only To Continuously Disappoint Us in the Regular Season Until They Are Cast off the Side of an Aircraft Carrier Like a Terrorist Islamic Extremist would be passed down from the Heavens and out of Omar Kelly’s most gracious bowel movement. DEUCES, INDEEEEEEEED.
(trumpets blaring, the crowd gathers in the town square, gats in hand, Tupac verses mumbling under their collective breath)
The Constable Dat Roro Kid, with a freshly-moistened and excrement-soiled scroll delivered straight out of Omar Kelly’s perfectly round ‘fruity booty’, begins his announcement to the gathered masses: