FinsNation

Ex-Dolphins All Up In the Super Bowl

11 ex-Dolphins will be playing or somehow participating in the Super Bowl this Sunday, which is more than any of the current Dolphins can say. Let's see... Jason Taylor? Collecting Man of the Year Awards. Not bad. But we'd rather he be collecting a Super Bowl ring. Cleo Lemon?  At the corner laundromat. He threw his dirty undies in the dryer and the rest of his clothes he threw into some old lady's hamper (see what I did there?) Channing Crowder? Looking for another tree to crash into. Our entire secondary? Still in flames from what Randy Moss did to them back in October. Trent Green? Drawing murals on the wall with his own poop.

Here's the list. Because fuck it, man.

Giants:
CB Sam Madison (Free agent not re-signed before '06. Yup, Sam Madison is finally in a Super Bowl)
OL Grey Ruegamer (Drafted in '99, cut in 2000. Linemen. Pfft.)
DL Manny Wright (Saban made him cry. Cam cut him.)
RB Reuben Droughns (Spent one month on the practice squad in 2001. I know. It's the practice squad. I know. It's Reuben Drougnhns. But still)

Patriots:
RB Kyle Eckel (Waived in '07 training camp)
FB Heath Evans (Starter cut in Sept. '05)
LB Larry Izzo (Free agent not re-signed before 2001. I know. It's Larry Izzo.)
OL Billy Yates (Undrafted FA in '03, cut in '04. But, hey, who needs extra linemen anyway? Am I right?)
WR Wes Welker (Traded for 2nd-round pick in '07. I'd STILL make that trade. Only because it netted us Satele. Still. Fuck.)
RB Sammy Morris (Free agent not re-signed before '07. My Dad LOVES this guy. Needless to say, he's pissed beyond words.)
LB Junior Seau (Acquired in '03 trade, not re-signed before '06. I dare you to find a more annoying assbag than Junior Seau.)

There you go.

Discuss. Or not.

Silent Tuna, Deadly Tuna

Parcell's introductory press conference yesterday was, in a word, boring as fuck. Could've been the jet-lag, could've been the whirlwind of the first day on the job, could've been the Arby's Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar value meal he had prior to the press conference, but Parcells was unusually passive and restrained during the whole thing. Almost meek. Not unlike my Dad, plopping himself on the couch and nodding off after he takes his annual post-X-mas meal shit. It was as if Parcells had just reflected upon himself in his innermost thoughts, moments before the mics were turned on, "Ho-leey shit! Why the fuck did I agree to come to this shitfest again?!"

But I like this Bill Parcells. I like that he didn't come in foaming at the mouth and spouting off some rah-rah bullshit that we were going to win 20 Super Bowls in the next two years (like JJ and Saban famously did when they arrived). I liked that he said he feels pressure to get this thing done. I liked that he was near rigermortis as he spoke. Because it's the silence that kills without showing any mercy. Think about it: pumas are silent hunters, as are lions waiting in the brush. Silent farts, oh I don't have to tell you about those, now, do I? (No, I'm not 12) It means the Tuna is saving it for the assault. And I, for one, am excited to see what unfolds.