FinsNation

Dolphins Axe Trent Green, Marty Booker and others

 

The Dolphins have cut Trent Green, Marty Booker, LJ Shelton and Keith Traylor, among others today. They also cut Anthony Alabi, Anthony Bryant, Marion Dukes and Joe Toledo.

Toledo -- the guy everyone thought was a Nick Saban draft day steal even though his knees were made of glass, gone. Shelton is also free to go eat as many donuts as his heart desires. And Marty Booker is gone too? Man am I going to miss it when he catches a pass and then immediately falls down even though there isn't a defender within 10 yards of him. And Trent Green? Trent Green! Gone! Free to throw interceptions and die from brain trauma on some other team! Fuck and yes!!

GM Jeff Ireland sent them off with a statement:

"'This is never easy, especially since all of these players worked hard during their tenure here,'' Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland said in a statement. ``In particular, in the case of each of the veterans, it's especially difficult to release players who have been productive and valued members of the organization. However, we feel these decisions are in the best interest of the team. I want to thank all of them for their contributions to the Dolphins and wish them good luck.''

Nice. I would've said something more along the lines of, "Jesus these fucking guys suck. Damn. How can a bunch of so-called professional football players suck so bad? I haven't seen this much sucking since I saw Lindsey Lohan in a men's room at Mansion. And people wonder how this team managed to only win one fucking game. It was a pleasure showing these no-talent sacks of shit the door. I almost came in my pants when I made it official I was THAT excited. Good riddance you fucking losers! We wish them good luck."

This is why I can never be a General Manager. That and the fact that my horoscope today says I'm going to succeed in the business of homemaking and interior design any day now. Weee!!

Parcells Wants Trent Green

 
Here's a feather in your cap: the new Dolphins front-office wants Trent Green back for 2008.

I may not have any NFL front-office experience, but I’m guessing it might not be the best idea to bring back the guy with cat shit for brains that sucked before he got hurt.

I think Bill Parcells is fucking with us on this one. He has to be. I mean, is he actually using the same blueprint the previous regimes used? (The blueprint: a drawing of a screw next to a baseball)

Someone must've slipped some stupid pills into Bill's Big Gulp. Or perhaps Cam Cameron rubbed the office phone all over his body before he left it to Bill. Because stupid is a disease. And it's apparently contagious.

At this point, I think we should seriously start considering bringing in Tom Cruise. He's the only one who can help.

Trent Green is Going to Die

Have you ever had your brain smash into your skull so hard that it causes your cerebrospinal protective sack to shudder violently like a snow globe that has been thrown against a wall, causing vomiting, confusion and visual disorder while your central nervous system completely shuts down as your muscles, nerves and mind all slip into darkness for five or more minutes?

Well Trent Green has! Twice!

And he wants to do it all over again!

This season has been one gigantic shit storm with no relief in sight. Just one of those seasons that actually makes you hate the game of football. So how do you suppose we top what is going to go down as the absolute gut-churning, rage inducing, kick-me-in-the-balls-until-I-puke worst season in franchise history?

Well I suppose by having one of your players meet his demise on the field during a game. That would put the cherry right on top of this diarrhea cake of a season now, wouldn't it?

Trent Green is sanguine!

Is it entirely possible that Trent Green has suffered such severe head trauma that he'll return a better quarterback than he was the first 4 games of the season? Could it be that Green was knocked out so hard, so often, he actually woke up on the other side? Smarter? Better decisions? Better accuracy? Less game-killing, gut-punching interceptions? Now I'm no scientist, but I do own Star Trek the Animated Series on DVD. And heck if I haven’t learned a thing or two from that Mr. Spock and his damned Vulcan logic. So I think that makes me qualified to say: "Hell yea he has!"

All reports are that Trent Green is optimistic about his latest test results:

"Quarterback Trent Green is 'very encouraged' by the results of tests performed on him four days after his second severe concussion in 13 months, leaving the 37-year-old quarterback hopeful he'll return to the field, coach Cam Cameron said."

" 'That's what makes those guys who they are and what they are,' Cameron said. 'They're competitors. They think a little differently than the rest of us sometimes. They can't imagine not playing and want to be up playing as quickly as possible.' "

I smell a come back! And so should you! (smells like an old tattered couch left out in the rain... but ah, well)

It may take a while before he dons the aqua and orange again, Nation. But mark my words: Trent Green will be back and better than ever!

Now let's get pumped with this video sent in by FN reader BronxPhin ... Trent Green!! Fuck yea!!!:

Trent Green is Exactly Who I Thought He Was

Last week the Dallas secondary gave up 312 yards and 4 TDs to Eli Manning and the Giants (an Eli Manning playing with a painful throwing shoulder injury). Today, Trent Green faced the same secondary and threw 4 INTs. Four. One, two, three, four.

Here's what I said about him in my 2007 predictions:

-He's a 37 year old quarterback on the decline
-He's an interception machine
-He's yet another cast-off QB taking the helm of this team

Today against Dallas, his passes were way off course, his throws had no torque whatsoever and his reads were atrocious. Only a spectacular catch in the endzone by Derek Hagan keeps Green's stat line from being a complete abortion.

I never liked the whole Green to Miami thing from the beginning, let alone giving up draft picks for him. And things don't get any easier from here on out schedule-wise.

Now we're 0-2. Historically speaking, teams that start the season 0-2 make the playoffs only 11% of the time. Trent Green is exactly who I thought he was.

It's Official

Nothing shocking here. But the Dolphins have made it official today by naming Trent Green the team's starting quarterback for the season.

Did you know Trent Green once played for the Chiefs?

It makes sense that ESPN, the World Wide Leader in Beating A Sports Story Into Our Skulls As If It Were Nazi Propaganda Sports, would broadcast tonight’s Dolphins at Chiefs game. Because it gives the three jackasses in the booth and the four dickheads in the studio something to blather about for the entire pre-game and game. And that's what ESPN is all about, really. Dickheads and jackasses blathering about meaningless hyperbole until our ears bleed. They're experts, after all.

And here’s your subject for tonight: Miami Dolphins quarterback Trent Green used to be the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs and this is the first time he’s playing in Kansas City since he left. Ready and go …

At least Joe Theisman won’t be there. There’s at least that to look forward to.

And in case you haven't heard, here are today's headlines to catch you up to speed:

• Green To Start Against Former Team
• Green Returns To Face Former Team
• Green Readies For KC Homecoming
• No Time For Nostalgia For Green
• Green Returns to KC as Member of Dolphins

Cameron: Green, not Lemon, to start Thursday

It was reported by the Miami Herald's Armando Salguero earlier that Cleo Lemon was going to get the start against Kansas City on Thursday, while Trent Green would start the second half. Cam Cameron denied this report and said the rotation will remain as it was. Salguero updated the report on his blog and told his commenters that the rotation will stay the same but that Cam could possibly change some of the playing time with Green and Lemon. And then they went fucking apeshit. Salguero's commenters, not Green and Lemon.