MVN: Most Valuable Network

Weekender: Rookie Mini Camps

Omar has been covering today's rookie mini-camp. The Dolphins website has video highlights (Sean Smith = Big Motherfucker).Meanwhile, Salguero insists that the Dolphins are keeping their options open for a JT return. Also, it looks like Dolphin Stadium is going to be named after Jimmy Buffett's Landshark Beer. I've never tried Landshark. But it would appear that naming the stadium after a beer is right down FN's alley. The next best thing would be to call it FinsNation.com Stadium, or Tits Stadium. I'm kind of fond of the latter.Have a great weekend, Nation. I leave you with this week's Weekender Girl, Tori Praver (click the pic for larger view). I usually comment on the pictures we post for Weekender. But this one just needs to be enjoyed without comment. Like...

Weekender: Draft Day Weekend Is The T*ts!

Hope  you're stocked up on plenty of deodorant, chips, meat and booze, Nation. Because it's that time of year again! Draft Day Weekend. Remember the draft gets kicked off a little later this year (4:00 PM EST) but the picks go by faster.FN will of course be live-blogging the first round and then updating shit thereafter. I would live-blog the whole thing but I eventually need to shower and shave because I don't like going around smelling like ass. So come by at 4:00 and say hello. Also, this just in.... FN has joined the revolution and is now on Twitter. So join in and visit FN on Twitter and follow us and be a part of the downfall of Western civilization. It's good clean fun!As for this week's Weekender...

Weekender: One More Week

One more week, Nation. One more week until we rock our socks off and get this draft thing going. Also, looks like DRK will be Twittering from the proceedings as it happens. We'll be re-capping meaningless mock drafts and scouting reports all next week... and anything else The Gangsta can uncover. As well as Captain Teabagger. It's sure to be an interesting week.This week's Weekender Girl is Julie Henderson. Here she is in another pose. Here she is hanging her laundry. And here she is crushing your dreams. At this point, I think it's easier to break the theory of Goldbach's Conjecture than it is to figure out why life is so fucking unfair. Also, get that chick some paint thinner! It's inhuman to cover tits with paint like that....

Weekender: Good Friday

What's this? Marisa and Petra in an ass-off? Well I tell you, good sir, yes. Yes it is. I'm afraid I might spend the entire holiday weekend staring at my computer screen because it's impossible to decide. Although Marisa does know how to score points by undoing her top. That works for me in just about any setting, really. At the super market, at a family picnic, on an airplane, at a funeral, at a wedding, at a birth, at a restaurant, in a library, in a taxi, on a bus, at the dentist, in an elevator, at work, at a baseball game, at my nephew's baptism, while I'm jogging, while I'm walking my dog, while I'm getting the newspaper, while I'm doing Sudoku, while I'm watching the evening news,...

Weekender: A Week Filled With Some Petra

Once again, my thanks to Petra and her amazing thong for showing me the way. Here's another picture of her all gussied up in an outstanding little number  (can a brother get a gust of wind up in here??!!). And here's a giant picture of her ass. And here she is with James Blunt. I think I'm going to take guitar lessons and start singing like a Muppet too. If that's what it takes, man!!Have a great weekend, Nation. Oh and the Giants have released Plaxico Burress. Anyone interested? I'd LOVE to have that guy down here. Except he might be in jail by the start of the season and that could pose a bit of a problem. Why must there always be something??!!...

Weekender: No More Slow Weeks Please

Except for that dumb ass Marilyn Monroe face tattoo on her arm, Megan Fox is absolute sheer perfection. Cut off jean shorts, a white tank top and flip flops are the epitome of white trash and would make my penis shrivel back into itself like a frightened turtle if I ever I saw any other woman approaching me dressed like this. And, yet, when I see Megan dressed like this, it has the complete opposite effect: the crotch of my pants burst angrily at the seams like a scene out of one of those old Incredible Hulk episodes.I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think Megan Fox is the real life Dr. Doom or something because she's obviously out to take over the world with those shorts....

Weekender: Off To See Louis CK

Checking out early today, Nation. I'm hitting the road and heading up to Orlando to go see and worship at the altar of FN hero, Louis CK. He has a show tonight at the Hard Rock. I caught him when he came to Miami last year, and was lucky enough to meet him afterwards. We took a picture but because you can't see our faces, because my phone's camera is shit, it just looks like two assholes at a bar. But he did autograph a cocktail napkin for me. And we had a brief conversation that went something like this:Me: Hey. Louis: Hey! Did you enjoy the show?Me: Duh...duh...der...der...der....der...duh...duh....duh... DUH!!The end.Anyway, as per the Weekender girls: You might be sitting there saying, "I see cheerleaders but they're fully clothed. What...

Weekender: Lima Time

This week's Weekender girl is Adriana Lima. I had mentioned her earlier this week here. And wouldn't you know it, she's in the news today. Well, her cockbag husband is. He was accused of sexual assault. Why would a gorgeous titted, possesor of a perfectly rounded ass woman like Adriana marry a middling NBA player who isn't satisfied loving her every day of her life and has to force himself on some other woman? Because God hates me, that's why. The charges were apparently dropped. But I'm not convinced. It's time to slip into my super hero costume and investigate this further as the Masked Dude (it's a costume essentially made up of an old shirt with holes over my eyes, sweatpants, a towel for a cape and dish washing...

Weekender: 50 Days

It was quite a week. We said goodbye to Vonnie Holliday and hello to the Brawny paper towel guy. We also did some draft talk (however, discovering earlier today that Armando Salguero also has a mancrush on Hakim Nicks is making me question everything I believe in). Which reminds me, look for my first of probably two Dolphins mock drafts sometime next week. For now, here's a great little piece about Gibril Wilson's large balls play against the run in 2008. I'm liking this signing more and more. Also, Vanity Fair has an interview with FN hero Louis C.K. It's a great read and I'm glad to see such a mainstream media outlet finally giving the funniest man alive some damn recognition. Do yourself a favor and read it.Have a...

Weekender: The I hit the Refresh button a million times today and all I got was this lousy Berger edition

Well that was a bit deflating. Spoiled by last year's free agent frenzy free for all when Parcells and Ireland signed guys left and right, we came into today feeling all giddy with wide eyes and rock hard nipples. But, instead of the Trifecta signing guys willy-nilly, they brought in a little known third string offensive lineman from Dallas and signed him to a three-year contract. And that'll do for today.This doesn't mean Parcells is done. Or does it? Who the hell knows. We do know that Lavernaues Coles was reportedly in house, so they at least kicked the tires on the ex-Jet. We also know that the Broncos signed away Renaldo Hill. Could this open the door to someone like Leigh Bodden? Or maybe even my personal choice Bryant...