Holy Shit We Drafted A Quarterback

After all the speculation, guessing, mock drafting and wondering how badly the dipshits in the front office were going to royally fuck up the draft, we finally drafted ourselves a quarterback in the first round. And he’s a pre-med student! Woo-hoo book learnin’!

To no one’s shock, the Dolphins took Ryan Tannehill with the 8th pick.

Some are already shitting on the pick. While others call it Hope, albeit with a grain of snark.

I know a lot of you are not happy about the pick. At least one of you seriously suggested we draft Fletcher Cox (I love you, but SHUT UP, ASSHOLE), and others simply don’t know what to do with this pick.

I like it. I’m not going to bore you with scouting nonsense. Look at the youtubes. The guy can play. Can he play with the big boys? No one knows that. Just like no one knew if Tom Brady could, or if Aaron Rodgers could, and so on.

The bottom line here is that the Dolphins for once showed the balls to say fuck it and went after the guy they thought could be the guy. If he busts out, then at least Jeff Ireland will be going out in a blaze of honey badger glory. *FLAME ON! NYAAA!*

And if this dude turns out to be the best thing since The Right Arm of God, then well fuck and yes and let’s everybody get laid!

No grumpypants today, Nation. We have something that we didn’t have 24 hours ago.


Motherfucking, dicksucking, bigtitty HOPE.

Is hope tangible? No. But for Christ, it’s all we got.

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