ZOMG! A Helicoptoro!!!

Ah, what new absurdities await us with each morning in Dolphins Land…

Last night, Jason La Canfora reported that your Miami Dolphins – heretofore known as ‘AIRWOLF’ – are conducting, not one, but TWOOOO simultaneous coaching searches as if we didn’t have leaks and the internet and people wouldn’t find out about this stuff and laugh hysterically.  You see, while our buddy Jeffy Ireland runs the JV squad of interviews with guys like Bowles and Toub, the good ole’ vampire buddy of our Gargoyle owner is running the varsity boys for guys like Jeff Fisher and rolling out the team helicopter.  Cute, huh?  You’d think a team fresh off an embarassing season where Ross was spotted speaking to Urban Meyer on the OPPOSING TEAM’S SIDELINE DURING A FUCKING HOME GAME HONORING THE OPPOSING TEAM’S COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIP QB PLAYING AT THAT VERY FUCKING MOMENT might be a bit more, I don’t know…subtle and demure in their search to fill the vacant HC spot.

But noooooooooooooooooooooo.  Not our Dolphins!  Ross couldn’t be bothered to learn a fucking thing from last year’s late-night-talk-show-fodder courting of Harbaugh and the subsequent lame duck that everyone knew Sparano was going to be.  Instead,

the Dolphins are leading two different but parallel searches. If one of Ireland’s candidates is hired, then several sources said there’s little chance Peterson has a role with the team. If Peterson were to grab Fisher (and sources mentioned Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Jim Haslett as another candidate Peterson supports), then not only could Peterson take a team president position, but Ireland’s status might end up in doubt, with Peterson considering bringing several of his former personnel people with him to Miami from Kansas City.

Ross may know a thing or two about real estate from all the time he’s spent researching cold, Gothic architecture in the dead of night but he don’t know fucking SHIT about how to discreetly hire personnel or run your fucking football team.

Unfortunately, there’s probably more to come so stay tuned…

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